McFuddle
So I had this dream last night, which I relayed to Max, thinking it was just a funny random dream, when he pointed out to me that it was actually quite symbolic.
In it, I have to buy pantyhose because I have an upcoming job interview, and I have to wear pantyhose to it. On my way to the mall, I stop at a McDonald's - but it's not really a McDonald's, it's a McFuddle. I order what must be my usual (I didn't have to look at the menu, it was just what I wanted) - some sort of breakfast sandwich (i think it was called a double morning surprise), - but they don't seem to have it, or they give me the wrong one, and instead I open the wrapper to find it's a breakfast sandwich mini sampler. Which is awesome - five little mini breakfast sandwiches - all different - but it also has a mini double morning surprise. Despite the fact that I like the mini sampler, I still want my double morning surprise, so I go back to the counter and explain that what i wanted was a big version of the mini double morning surprise, and then the woman behind the counter hands one to me and apologizes and says it's not on the regular menu, but it was a Project Runway limited special that they offered at some other places, but they've accommodated and made me one. Now that I have all this food, I spot a homeless woman and I feel guilty and I give her some of my food.
Problem is, I don't remember if I gave her my double morning surprise, or my samplers.
And why is this significant? Well, I've been having a midlife (or maybe 3/8 life) crisis lately, pertaining to career and work. I'm at a crossroads - I could continue to do what I do now, or find something different. Problem is, there are so many choices should I chose to find something different (hence the mini breakfast sampler, I think). And I think the double morning surprise probably represents what I have now. And the homeless woman - well - I think I was feeling guilty because as my dad pointed out in a conversation I had with him yestereday, I've been living like a "retiree" these last several months. I really don't do anything at all - if you guys knew the extent of my rut, of how I'm letting life pass by while I play countless hours of poker and watch continuous episodes of BBC shows, you'd probably be horrified. And I should do something - I should make a choice and do something.
I just really wish I remembered which sandwich I gave the homeless woman.
Oh, and the best part, obviously, is the name of the restaurant - McFuddle. I was pretty sure I knew the meaning of "fuddle" but I looked it up just to confirm, and I was right.
fud·dle (fŭd'l)
v., -dled, -dling, -dles.
v.tr.
1.To put into a state of confusion; befuddle. See synonyms at confuse.
2.To make drunk; intoxicate.
v.intr.
To drink; tipple.
n.
A state of confusion or intoxication.
In it, I have to buy pantyhose because I have an upcoming job interview, and I have to wear pantyhose to it. On my way to the mall, I stop at a McDonald's - but it's not really a McDonald's, it's a McFuddle. I order what must be my usual (I didn't have to look at the menu, it was just what I wanted) - some sort of breakfast sandwich (i think it was called a double morning surprise), - but they don't seem to have it, or they give me the wrong one, and instead I open the wrapper to find it's a breakfast sandwich mini sampler. Which is awesome - five little mini breakfast sandwiches - all different - but it also has a mini double morning surprise. Despite the fact that I like the mini sampler, I still want my double morning surprise, so I go back to the counter and explain that what i wanted was a big version of the mini double morning surprise, and then the woman behind the counter hands one to me and apologizes and says it's not on the regular menu, but it was a Project Runway limited special that they offered at some other places, but they've accommodated and made me one. Now that I have all this food, I spot a homeless woman and I feel guilty and I give her some of my food.
Problem is, I don't remember if I gave her my double morning surprise, or my samplers.
And why is this significant? Well, I've been having a midlife (or maybe 3/8 life) crisis lately, pertaining to career and work. I'm at a crossroads - I could continue to do what I do now, or find something different. Problem is, there are so many choices should I chose to find something different (hence the mini breakfast sampler, I think). And I think the double morning surprise probably represents what I have now. And the homeless woman - well - I think I was feeling guilty because as my dad pointed out in a conversation I had with him yestereday, I've been living like a "retiree" these last several months. I really don't do anything at all - if you guys knew the extent of my rut, of how I'm letting life pass by while I play countless hours of poker and watch continuous episodes of BBC shows, you'd probably be horrified. And I should do something - I should make a choice and do something.
I just really wish I remembered which sandwich I gave the homeless woman.
Oh, and the best part, obviously, is the name of the restaurant - McFuddle. I was pretty sure I knew the meaning of "fuddle" but I looked it up just to confirm, and I was right.
fud·dle (fŭd'l)
v., -dled, -dling, -dles.
v.tr.
1.To put into a state of confusion; befuddle. See synonyms at confuse.
2.To make drunk; intoxicate.
v.intr.
To drink; tipple.
n.
A state of confusion or intoxication.
posted by S at 12:02 PM
11 Comments:
Wow! That's very symbolic in a funny way. I'm just getting out of my 1/3 life crisis. Some advice you didn't ask for: Keep asking yourself "why" questions to get at the root of your motivations. Try and figure out why you choose certain actions, even if those actions aren't beneficial.
Funny that you would mention that, lypstykgirl. In our clinical interviewing class, we have now spent three weeks talking about why you never ask a patient "why". Because, in theory, it makes them defensive. I, on the other hand, find "why" to be a tremendously useful word... As I continue to understand very little about my own motivations, or those of people around me. In fact, "why" has never given me any trouble in the clinical setting. I think we could learn a lot from the little things we do, and from our dreams. Mine lately have been about chinese lanterns and houseboats. I don't know what that means. I could try but I really don't.
By the way, your resident psychologist in training wishes everyone would have such vivid dreams and then blog about them for our amusement. You're helping my career, babe.
-aj :)
Haha...oops :) I think it makes sense not to ask a patient "why" for those reasons. Asking yourself hurts less for some reason (maybe because you know you can lie and believe yourself?) It's like when I was little and my mom brushed my hair; it hurt like hell and really annoyed me, but it wasn't bad when I did it.
You know, I think it is GOOD to ask patients why. Really. That is why I've been sitting in class for three weeks thinking: why are we encouraging people to avoid asking patients difficult questions?!? Isn't that what therapy is for? I agree with you completely. After all, if our girl had not woken up the next morning and asked herself why in the hell she was dreaming of mcfuddles... well, we wouldn't have the benefit of this little peek into her psyche.
-aj
Thanks for your comments you guys. I have been doing a lot of thinking and self-reflecting lately - just trying to figure things out - and it helps to get good advice.
And I am really pleased that my subconscious made up one pretty sweet word: "Mcfuddle."
But maybe at the end of the day, I was just hungry for a breakfast??? :)
mcfuddle. ha. i really like it. very american, in a comforting sort of partial-life crisis sort of way. i'm actually crazy glad to see people my age thinking about stuff like this- i was really feeling isolated and goofy about not knowing what i want to do about a career for sure. at least we have company in our wondering, whatever it is we wind up deciding.
the why thing is tough. i don't know if it's the same in interviewing, but i can see how it could put someone on the defensive. it's like your parents ask you- why did you _______ (fill in the blank with some stupid, unexplanable deed)? response a lot of times is the quick- i don't know!! or what were you thinking when ______? my dad used to say- you obviously weren't thinking! which is probably closer to the truth, but doesn't get me to think about the why. maybe thinking about why is important, and boosting people's comfort level when you ask them in some wonderfully sensative way helps them get to the bottom of it.
mcfuddle. ha.
Interesting dream!
Partly because I agree, quite a bit of that can be symbolic-
and the pregnant me says, why can't more restaurants (besides McFuddle's) offer brekfast sandwich samplers??? What a fantastic idea!!!
:)
Maybe it is time for a change for you. And truth be told--a comfortable life of going out with friends, playing online poker, and watching bad TV you enjoy doesn't sound all that awful. Things could be worse--it would be worse if you couldn't do any of those things because you were working two jobs to make ends meet or something. Maybe having to bail your boyfriend out of jail. Explain an unplanned pregnancy to your grandparents. Yeah. I can think of a whole lot of life things I would rather NOT experience, so, hmm.
Even if you can't figure out your entire life right now...it's not like you are in some crazy bad or dangerous place now, either. You have some wiggle room to make some decisions.
I do like the life I lead - and you're right Elliot, things could be much worse. Most of the time, I'm pretty optimistic and count my blessings and remind myself that not everyone gets to have the life I do right now. And it's pretty sweet - really nothing to complain about. And I do recognize that. But there is definitely a feeling of complacency...or stagnation.
I think, having caught up on everyone's blogs, that since many of us are approaching our 10 year high school reunion, or some other signifant marker, it's naturally a time to reflect.
I think I just need some goals. It's hard to walk around without any drive or motivation to do anything. I should make some goals - like running a marathon, or actually writing an old lady mystery. Problem is, maybe they're not really goals I want to achieve??? I never seem to get very far.
Oh lord, maybe I am an "underachiever." It's strange to think of myself as that, b/c I always worked extremely hard in school to get good grades, was very driven in college, and for the first several years of this career, worked pretty hard. But now I am bored.
Blah. McFuddle. Spread that word around peeps. Maybe it'll make it into urbandictionary.com one day.
McFuddle is awesome. And considering how intelligent and witty you are, I would hardly consider you an underachiever.
I highly recommend the book "What Should I Do With My Life?: The True Story of People Who Answered the Ultimate Question" by Po Bronson. It is NOT, I repeat, NOT a self-help book. Look it up on Amazon.
When I find myself Mcfuddled I tend to pay close attention to my dreams too. I think they really help you to reflect on thoughts and motivations in a fresh way. Unfortunately my latest dream didn't leave me with much to analyze: I dreamt that I was exposed for having unshaven legs. And honestly, it's been a few days in real life. Oh well.
i think our dreams tell us a lot. if we're paying attention, which obviously you are, then it really can change things.
:)
thanks for your comments. i've just been really grumpy, frustrated, and fussy lately. i feel like a horrible person, but i also don't think i'm taking it out on anyone. so far, it's just a lot of bitching on my blog.
:)
i hope you find your direction. maybe mcfuddling will catch on too.
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