Happy Chinese New Year!!!

Well, I am such a lousy Chinese person that I actually did not realize today is Chinese New Year until yesterday. Found out from my dad, who reminded me I should go out and eat fish and shrimp because it's good luck to eat seafood on New Year's Day. I figure that's a much nicer tradition than being hungover and watching the Rose Bowl, so Max and I will probably go have sushi tonight. But sushi is Japanese, you say. Well, yes. But again, being a lousy Chinese person, I don't know of a lot of good authentic Chinese restaurants close by, and besides, I really don't even know how to order authentic Chinese food and would probably end up getting something crappy like the Egg Foo Young (for you "whiteys," no, that's not authentic...nor is the "poo poo platter"...nor the "chop suey," which is just a big practical joke we Chinese are playing on you because it means chopped up ends of vegetables - the garbagey leftover parts we don't want to eat and are shoving off to you.) Anyway, I figure sushi counts so that's what we'll be having tonight.

Yesterday night my mother called me, hysterical, and said "QUICK!!! WRITE THIS NUMBER DOWN!" So I immediately did, not knowing at all what was going on. Then she screamed "IF YOU CALL IT RIGHT NOW, YOU'LL GET MONEY!!" Holy crap. What the hell??? I'm thinking it's some crazy radio call-in lotto thing but as it turns out it is the number to Aunt Laura's cell phone. Apparently, Aunt Laura said that anyone who called her to wish her a Happy New Year would get lucky money. If you've never gotten lucky money before, it means you're not Chinese. Hehe. Basically, the tradition is that upon being wished a happy new year by a younger person, the elder (by at least a generation, I think) has to give them money that comes in these little red envelopes. I suppose they call it "lucky" because, hell, when else would saying "Happy New Year" get you money? Then my mom screamed "CALL HER RIGHT NOW!!! TELL MAX TO CALL HER TOO!! AND TELL MAX TO CALL ME TOO!! - BUT HE HAS TO SAY HAPPY NEW YEAR IN CHINESE!!!" Aha. Herein lies the catch. Here, we have an explaination for the hysterical-ness. Nothing makes my mom happier than 1.) making Max eat weird Chinese food like jellyfish and watching him squirm while he pretends to like it 2.) making Max speak Chinese. This is hilarious to my mom. HILARIOUS. Really. Not kidding.

So I called up my Aunt Laura to say what basically sounds like, "Gong Hai Faht Choi, Say-Ai-Yee! " Which means, "Happy New Year, Aunt Laura!" She laughed and said she'd be mailing me cash. Excellent. So then I called Max and told him to do same. Since Max is currently on unemployment, he was happy to oblige. Max and I had a five minute Who's-on-First type conversation because I kept saying "Say, say-ai-yee" and it got very confusing because he couldn't tell if I was speaking English and stuttering or if I was trying to tell him what the Chinese words were. Haha. And for some reason, my mother insisted that he had to address my Aunt Laura as Aunt Laura so I guess he did. Next he called my mom, but I thought it would be way way way too freaky for all three of us if he addressed her as "Mom" so instead he just said "Gong Hai Faht Choi." And my mom laughed (because it's funny when Max speaks Chinese!) and said she'd be sending him some money.

So anyway, GONG HAI FAHT CHOI!!!

I accept lucky money in the form of cash, check or paypal.