Thode's Experiment
Okay, per Thode's suggestion, I've listed what I did every 1/2 hr on Saturday morning, starting from when I woke up. It was actually a far busier day than I've had in a long time, on account of my brother (Theo) and his girlfriend (Justine) being in town, but it's still pretty boring to read. (I've given them fake names from the Cosby show because I don't know how they feel about being exposed to the wacky world of the internet).
7:30 a.m.
Pig groans in her bed. I ignore her and continue sleeping.
8:00 a.m.
Pig comes over to my bed, the first time in several weeks. She starts groaning really loudly, and pawing at my face, so I figure she must really have to go. She's about 1/2 an hour earlier than normal, but I decide that a dog with a urinary tract infection would be no fun, so I get up and take her out. We spend about 10 minutes cuddling first though.
8:30 a.m.
Drinking coffee and eating a cherry danish. I figure since Theo and Justine are on vacation, I may as well act as if I'm on vacation too and indulge in the too-sweet breakfast food. I think about how I had just vowed last night, after reading this month's Fitness Magazine, that I'd start eating healthy, but I decide that it'd be much easier to start after Theo and Justine leave on Sunday. They are slowly getting up.
9:00 a.m.
Still drinking coffee and eating. Surf on the internet a bit. Theo points out that we should start getting ready since it takes a while for the three of us to make it out of the apartment. So true.
9:30 a.m.
Shower, make-up, wet hair in half-hearted bun/pony-tail. I put on a new shirt I bought from Urban Outfitters the day before and, on account of all the danishes and lack of gym-going for the last six months, I hear a loud rip as I pull it on. Damn. It's a bit snug, and I've torn a thread somewhere, but it still looks okay so I just leave it on.
10:00 a.m.
Pig is looking anxious and following me around the apartment, complaining. I can tell she wants to go out for a walk, and since Theo has just gotten out of the shower, I figure we can go out for about 15 minutes while he gets ready. Pig and I head out down the street - it's a beautiful day.
10:30 a.m.
We're at Hugo's in West Hollywood. I look around for celebrities but don't see any. I order the same dish I always get, because variety is not the spice of life - familiarity is. But I do branch out and get the chai, which is rather bland. That's what I get for branching out.
11:00 a.m.
Still eating but finishing up.
11:30 a.m.
Drop Theo and Justine at LACMA. I arrange to pick them up in front of the tar pits at 1:00 p.m. I remind them not to get excited about the Tar Pits, which are really boring, and to watch out for the rats there.
12:00 a.m.
I'm at Pavillions (grocery store), picking up supplies for the bonfire we're having later that night. I send a butcher meat guy to look for the "stadium style" brats (I can see the price tags for them but can't find them). He tells me there aren't any more in the back so I settle for "beef" and "smoked."
12:30 a.m.
Back at home, fighting the urge to nap. Chat with Lypstyk Girl about the dinner I had last night and how I had to unbutton my jeans, and slide down into the seat to extend myself, as my jeans were way way way too tight and literally hurting me.
1:00 p.m.
Theo and Justine are at the corner of Curson and Wilshire, right on time. They hop into the car. I subject them to the songs I've recently downloaded on my mp3 player. We head towards Rodeo drive. Not a celebrity in sight, just tons of tourists.
1:30 p.m.
On our way to Malibu, on Sunset Blvd. I'm giving my very best tourguide impression - "On your left you'll see the campus of UCLA." "This is Brentwood. Where OJ lives." "See Bel-Air? That's right - the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air..."
2:00 p.m.
Enjoying lunch at Duke's. Justine and I are sharing fish tacos and ahi tuna. The view is spectacular and the ocean looks gorgeous. We make fun of a wind surfer who keeps falling down.
2:30 p.m.
Still eating.
3:00 p.m.
We're on our way to Santa Monica. We park in a parking structure and endure going down seven floors in the elevator. I explain to them why I think it smells the way it does - Homeless people pee in here and then parking structure janitors have to clean it with really strong cleaners that have a citrus scent to it. Thus the nasty pee-orange smell.
3:30 p.m.
Shopping on 3rd Street Promenade. Kettle Corn catches my eye and rather than buying a small bag, I buy a ridiculously large bag, on the grounds that I'll be sharing it with everyone.
4:00 p.m.
Still shopping.
4:30 p.m.
Heading towards Venice Beach. We give money to a man who appears to be the parking lot guard of a small lot behind a building - he's standing by a homemade sign that reads "Beach Parking $6" I remark on how funny it would be if this guy is just some random guy who "charges" people for a lot that he has nothing to do with.
5:00 p.m.
Browsing through super cheap flip flops. Get a call from Max, who tells me that he's stopped at four different places and can't find any firewood. Ugh. This sucks. And on account of that, he hasn't been able to get to Dockweiler beach early like he had planned, in order to stake out a pit.
5:30 p.m.
Max calls - he's found some firewood and is going to my apartment to walk Pig, mix up some rummy punch, and grab all our supplies. I reflect that it's nice he's doing all this. And decide to be helpful by going to Dockweiler now to get a pit. We get back to the car and notice that the parking lot guy is not there. His sign is gone too. Hmm. Interesting.
6:00 p.m.
We're at the Dockweiler! There used to be about 30 pits but now there's only about 10! And they're all taken! Theo is looking grumpy because he was the one stuck holding the lawn chairs. Justine looks worried. I am irritated. Plus my cellphone is nearly out of battery. Not good.
6:30 p.m.
More walking along the beach looking for pits. Luckily some of our friends have shown up so they, being gutsier than I am, ask some of the pits people if we can share and we get a few reluctant yesses. Finally, we get lucky and it turns out a family is leaving so we get their pit.
7:00 p.m
The guys help unload Max's car. The ladies are enjoying themselves by the empty pit. We eat kettle corn and think about how nice it is not to be the ones unloading the car.
7:30 p.m.
We spot the guys up on the hill by the cars. They are clearly debating. I can tell immediately that the debate is whether they should cut straight down the hill, which is very steep, or take the long way around. I know, just as immediately, that Max is the one voting to go straight down the hill. (which he later confirmed). Suddenly, one guys throws something down the hill. It's a bundle of wood! There goes another one! And another one! Then we watch them scamper straight down the hill along what appears to be a sewage pipe. We run towards them to help carry stuff.
8:00 p.m - 9:30 p.m.
Bonfiring through a sand storm. Damn, it's windy out here. The food is gritty and I'm convinced that when I smile, there's sand crusted along my gum line. But it's fun. Justine drops her hot dog in the sand, and despite me encouraging her to get another one, she decides to wash it off with our rummy punch. Me and Reggie decide to form a smores assembly line. Theo's new flipflops from Urban melt in slightly near the fire (damage discovered the next day).
9:30 p.m.
We pack up and head back to cars. We smell like smoke and are too exhausted to go out so we decide to "cruise" down Sunset Strip, just so Theo and Justine can see what it's like.
10:00 p.m.
Cruising down the strip. Not too crowded yet, as it's still early.
10:30 p.m.
Back to the apartment. Theo passes out on the couch. I get ready for bed and am too tired to even wash my feet, which are sandy and gross. I get into bed and struggle to watch the last ten minutes of a Three's Company episode where Jack has hidden money that an ATM spit out in a couch but Mr. Furley has accidentally sold the couch and the hijinks go on and on and on. Finally the episode is over (I have no idea why I was so determined to watch all of it) and I fall asleep immediately at 11:00 p.m.
So that's that.
7:30 a.m.
Pig groans in her bed. I ignore her and continue sleeping.
8:00 a.m.
Pig comes over to my bed, the first time in several weeks. She starts groaning really loudly, and pawing at my face, so I figure she must really have to go. She's about 1/2 an hour earlier than normal, but I decide that a dog with a urinary tract infection would be no fun, so I get up and take her out. We spend about 10 minutes cuddling first though.
8:30 a.m.
Drinking coffee and eating a cherry danish. I figure since Theo and Justine are on vacation, I may as well act as if I'm on vacation too and indulge in the too-sweet breakfast food. I think about how I had just vowed last night, after reading this month's Fitness Magazine, that I'd start eating healthy, but I decide that it'd be much easier to start after Theo and Justine leave on Sunday. They are slowly getting up.
9:00 a.m.
Still drinking coffee and eating. Surf on the internet a bit. Theo points out that we should start getting ready since it takes a while for the three of us to make it out of the apartment. So true.
9:30 a.m.
Shower, make-up, wet hair in half-hearted bun/pony-tail. I put on a new shirt I bought from Urban Outfitters the day before and, on account of all the danishes and lack of gym-going for the last six months, I hear a loud rip as I pull it on. Damn. It's a bit snug, and I've torn a thread somewhere, but it still looks okay so I just leave it on.
10:00 a.m.
Pig is looking anxious and following me around the apartment, complaining. I can tell she wants to go out for a walk, and since Theo has just gotten out of the shower, I figure we can go out for about 15 minutes while he gets ready. Pig and I head out down the street - it's a beautiful day.
10:30 a.m.
We're at Hugo's in West Hollywood. I look around for celebrities but don't see any. I order the same dish I always get, because variety is not the spice of life - familiarity is. But I do branch out and get the chai, which is rather bland. That's what I get for branching out.
11:00 a.m.
Still eating but finishing up.
11:30 a.m.
Drop Theo and Justine at LACMA. I arrange to pick them up in front of the tar pits at 1:00 p.m. I remind them not to get excited about the Tar Pits, which are really boring, and to watch out for the rats there.
12:00 a.m.
I'm at Pavillions (grocery store), picking up supplies for the bonfire we're having later that night. I send a butcher meat guy to look for the "stadium style" brats (I can see the price tags for them but can't find them). He tells me there aren't any more in the back so I settle for "beef" and "smoked."
12:30 a.m.
Back at home, fighting the urge to nap. Chat with Lypstyk Girl about the dinner I had last night and how I had to unbutton my jeans, and slide down into the seat to extend myself, as my jeans were way way way too tight and literally hurting me.
1:00 p.m.
Theo and Justine are at the corner of Curson and Wilshire, right on time. They hop into the car. I subject them to the songs I've recently downloaded on my mp3 player. We head towards Rodeo drive. Not a celebrity in sight, just tons of tourists.
1:30 p.m.
On our way to Malibu, on Sunset Blvd. I'm giving my very best tourguide impression - "On your left you'll see the campus of UCLA." "This is Brentwood. Where OJ lives." "See Bel-Air? That's right - the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air..."
2:00 p.m.
Enjoying lunch at Duke's. Justine and I are sharing fish tacos and ahi tuna. The view is spectacular and the ocean looks gorgeous. We make fun of a wind surfer who keeps falling down.
2:30 p.m.
Still eating.
3:00 p.m.
We're on our way to Santa Monica. We park in a parking structure and endure going down seven floors in the elevator. I explain to them why I think it smells the way it does - Homeless people pee in here and then parking structure janitors have to clean it with really strong cleaners that have a citrus scent to it. Thus the nasty pee-orange smell.
3:30 p.m.
Shopping on 3rd Street Promenade. Kettle Corn catches my eye and rather than buying a small bag, I buy a ridiculously large bag, on the grounds that I'll be sharing it with everyone.
4:00 p.m.
Still shopping.
4:30 p.m.
Heading towards Venice Beach. We give money to a man who appears to be the parking lot guard of a small lot behind a building - he's standing by a homemade sign that reads "Beach Parking $6" I remark on how funny it would be if this guy is just some random guy who "charges" people for a lot that he has nothing to do with.
5:00 p.m.
Browsing through super cheap flip flops. Get a call from Max, who tells me that he's stopped at four different places and can't find any firewood. Ugh. This sucks. And on account of that, he hasn't been able to get to Dockweiler beach early like he had planned, in order to stake out a pit.
5:30 p.m.
Max calls - he's found some firewood and is going to my apartment to walk Pig, mix up some rummy punch, and grab all our supplies. I reflect that it's nice he's doing all this. And decide to be helpful by going to Dockweiler now to get a pit. We get back to the car and notice that the parking lot guy is not there. His sign is gone too. Hmm. Interesting.
6:00 p.m.
We're at the Dockweiler! There used to be about 30 pits but now there's only about 10! And they're all taken! Theo is looking grumpy because he was the one stuck holding the lawn chairs. Justine looks worried. I am irritated. Plus my cellphone is nearly out of battery. Not good.
6:30 p.m.
More walking along the beach looking for pits. Luckily some of our friends have shown up so they, being gutsier than I am, ask some of the pits people if we can share and we get a few reluctant yesses. Finally, we get lucky and it turns out a family is leaving so we get their pit.
7:00 p.m
The guys help unload Max's car. The ladies are enjoying themselves by the empty pit. We eat kettle corn and think about how nice it is not to be the ones unloading the car.
7:30 p.m.
We spot the guys up on the hill by the cars. They are clearly debating. I can tell immediately that the debate is whether they should cut straight down the hill, which is very steep, or take the long way around. I know, just as immediately, that Max is the one voting to go straight down the hill. (which he later confirmed). Suddenly, one guys throws something down the hill. It's a bundle of wood! There goes another one! And another one! Then we watch them scamper straight down the hill along what appears to be a sewage pipe. We run towards them to help carry stuff.
8:00 p.m - 9:30 p.m.
Bonfiring through a sand storm. Damn, it's windy out here. The food is gritty and I'm convinced that when I smile, there's sand crusted along my gum line. But it's fun. Justine drops her hot dog in the sand, and despite me encouraging her to get another one, she decides to wash it off with our rummy punch. Me and Reggie decide to form a smores assembly line. Theo's new flipflops from Urban melt in slightly near the fire (damage discovered the next day).
9:30 p.m.
We pack up and head back to cars. We smell like smoke and are too exhausted to go out so we decide to "cruise" down Sunset Strip, just so Theo and Justine can see what it's like.
10:00 p.m.
Cruising down the strip. Not too crowded yet, as it's still early.
10:30 p.m.
Back to the apartment. Theo passes out on the couch. I get ready for bed and am too tired to even wash my feet, which are sandy and gross. I get into bed and struggle to watch the last ten minutes of a Three's Company episode where Jack has hidden money that an ATM spit out in a couch but Mr. Furley has accidentally sold the couch and the hijinks go on and on and on. Finally the episode is over (I have no idea why I was so determined to watch all of it) and I fall asleep immediately at 11:00 p.m.
So that's that.
posted by S at 12:15 PM
3 Comments:
THEO, MUH BOY, YOOOUUUU CANNOT PUT YOUR FEET ON THE COUCH!
You had a pretty full day. The bit about touring L.A. rang painfully true for me.
(Sorry I missed the bonfire, but my excuses are all documented on the Internets, should you wish to peruse them.)
Ever since I posted yesterday, I keep thinking of the scene where Theo is trying to sing a song for Justine, and he's screaming "JUSTINE! JUSTINE!" and then Cliff is like, "More emotion, son" and Theo's like, "JUST-INE! JUST-INE!"
Know the scene I'm talking about?
You are hilarious. The Cosby theme cracked me up...
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