An Idiot and Her Dog in Rain

Quiz time! Just something to ponder should you be bored at work:

Imagine it's raining like crazy in Los Angeles. You spot an Asian woman wearing a purple fleece (the color of the gay Teletubby - sort of like a baby lilac) with the hoodie pulled up tight around her face, walking an unruly dalmatian wrapped in a "raincoat" made of a large white kitchen garbage bag. The woman has clearly been watching the "Dog Whisperer" on National Geographic and appears to be trying to control her dog by adopting the "pack leader" stance - shoulders back, chest puffed out. But because of the rain, she is forced to keep her head down and thereby only succeeds in awkwardly tucking her chin and face into her boobs. She yells, (into her chest), a crazed mantra:

"GO. POOP. PIG. GO. POOP. PIG. GO. POOP. PIG. GO. POOP. PIG."

It is occasionally broken by a "HEEL!! HEEL!!!" The dalmatian, who looks miserable in the rain, ignores her pleas to poop and heel and instead turns around several times to try to run home (presumably).

Do you a.) laugh or do you b.) call the nearest mental hospital and tell them you believe you've found an escaped patient??

Weekend Recap

My weekend, like all good weekends, started Thursday night. Lypstykgirl and I took a cardio boxing class (I'm still actually sore from it - there was a lot of "crabwalking" and kicking for a boxing class) and then I headed over to Gaslite to celebrate Brad & Laura's birthday. "Bradaura" aka "Laurad" are married, work in the same industry and have the same birthday! Gaslite is normally a pretty crowded karaoke bar, but since it was a Thursday, it was not too bad and I had a really fun time. Afterwards, Thode, AD and I made a stop at Benitos Taco stand for some late night rolled tacos. Yum. Sometimes I wonder if late-night food still tastes as good during the day...

Friday night was a tame night. I had planned on going to a friend's going away party at Boardwalk, but was not feeling up for it so I stayed in and watched hours and hours of tv. Speaking of hours and hours of tv, that's what I did all day Saturday! And then all day Sunday! And then all night Sunday!

My only break from the tv was Saturday night when I headed over to AD's house. We drank Hurricanes to pre-celebrate Mardi Gras and watched footage from their shoot earlier that day (those guys are making a short film.) On my way home, I stopped for more late night food at Fatburger for a "Baby Fat" burger and some fries. This late night food eating is getting ridiculous...

I'm ashamed to admit that I watched a whole bunch of really horrid tv this weekend (everything from "True Lies" to "E's Best of the Worst Red Carpet Moments") and I'm even more ashamed to admit that the program I enjoyed the most out of this vile bunch was..."Flavor of Love."

I haven't talked about it much but yes, on Sundays, I like to "Savor the Flavor" (according to the promos). And sadly, the runner-up to the "Baby Fat Burger" for the "best moment of my weekend" was when Pumkin spit in New York's face. OH DAAAAMN!

In case you're wondering what I've been up to for the last week...

I feel like I haven't posted in forever. And so much has gone on! The worst part of it all is Max's computer is broken. Dead. It just won't turn on. I have no idea why. So I have to blog at work, when I'm "supposed" to be working...

So first off I went to Denver over the weekend. It was really really friggin' cold. Yikes. Despite the weather, I had an awesome time. After accidentally spending $35 at the airport bar by myself (the wine was $10 a glass - sheesh) and sharing a table with the Quintessential Midwest Middle-Aged Woman (I could write a whole page about how much I loved her and her fake nails, her bestseller paperback novel, her purple printed beach bag, her two cartons of marlboro lights and her stoic silent construction worker husband - I am obsessed with the QMMW - kind of like the way I love meat loaf and pot roast and houses decorated with country apples and geese wallpaper - so Americana - LOVE it) I made it to Denver. Max and I stayed in for the rest of the night and much of Saturday until around dinner time when Nick came over and we headed out to Lime for dinner. I really liked that place - the food was great and the margaritas were very good. We ordered these awesome appetizers called Scorpions - deep fried shrimp wrapped in a jalapeno peppers - very good but also made me want to stick my tongue in the snow. So hot!

After dinner we went to first to a jazz club called Dazzle, but the only seating was in the dining area so we made our way to Don's Club Tavern, a little dive bar with some arcade machine things and what appeared to be a table shuffleboard. There I witnessed My First Bar Fight. Apparently this very drunk guy who had been stumbling around ended up breaking a beer bottle over this other guy's head so the guy with the busted head shoved the stumbling guy all the way through the bar and into a herd of young women drinking wine (which was a funny enough sight - as Nick pointed out this was not the kind of establishment where you order wine...). Anyway, I wasn't really freaked out until I noticed the guy with the busted head was actually bleeding quite a lot (definitely looked like he needed stitches, although he didn't look like he was too seriously hurt) and then I got all paranoid because I really don't like body fluids, much less other people's body fluids... After close inspection I determined none of us got any blood on us, much less blood on any open wounds, so I was relieved and was able to leave without grilling the guy about the last time he got an AIDS test...

Sunday we stayed in again for much of the day but headed out in the late afternoon. Our plan was to go to the Denver Planetarium with Nick to watch an IMAX movie about black holes but unfortunately that was sold out. So we went to a place called Brix, shared a bottle of wine and a fancy cheese platter (how yuppie of us!) and hoped that John Elway would stop by - he is apparently a frequent customer. He didn't. Afterwards, we went to get The Best Burgers in Denver at Cherry Cricket and to watch the NBA Allstart Game. The burgers were awesome. My only regret is that I was disciplined and got a "Little Burger" instead of a regular sized one.

I slept in Monday until noon (ridiculous) and then watched Flight Plan while Max worked a bit. We did some shopping and then went to Zengo for our official anniversary/Valentine's day dinner. I've never had food like that before - Latin/Asian fusion. Really really good. Afterwards, we rented Kung Fu Hustle, which was surprisingly better and funnier than we thought it'd be. We had to get up at around 5:00 a.m. Tuesday morning to make my flight and I was back in LA and in the office by 10:30 a.m.

So that was my weekend. Other random things:

- My brother and his girlfriend made the drive across the country safe and sound! He's now in San Francisco (his girlfriend had to go back to NY) and I plan on visiting him soon.

- I went to Julia's brother's birthday party on Tuesday night. I embarassed myself by eating three plates of food, two packages of candy and a slice of icecream cake - all on camera (Julia and Reggie are shooting a documentary about Michael). It was a fun party and I had a great time, espeically when the figure skating competition came on and we all sat around making funny comments about the skaters and announcers.

-I installed a water filter on my faucet!! This is a huge achievement as I suspect I bruised an ovary and pulled a shoulder muscle during the near three hours and two separate tries it took for me to to install it. I plan on writing to "PUR" to complain about their poor directions...

-A whole bunch of us are going skiing the third weekend in March. 8 of us are on the same flight going out of LA (we take up nearly three rows) and Annie (Amol's girlfriend) will be meeting up with us from Salt Lake City. I'm so excited!!! It's going to be so much fun!!!

-Pig hurt herself somehow while getting off the couch last night. I actually saw it happen - she got up and then sort of stiffened and looked at me with these big eyes, and then didn't really move. I think she's pulled an arm muscle because she's definitely walking gimpy. Poor gimpy Pig.

-And - I'm a little ashamed of this but I sort of like Ace from American Idol. There. I've said it. It will come to haunt me as he turns on the "Constantine Gross-Factor" in later weeks but for now, I sort of "heart" him. Just a little.

-Finally - Daniel Franco is straight?????

3 day weekend!!!

I'm off to Denver for a 3 day weekend in a few hours. I can't wait! We were originally supposed to go skiing this weekend, but since the weather forecasters predict a high of about 20 degrees, with snow, we've decided to stay in. Call me a wimp but 20 degrees is just unbearable. The other day, it was about 60 in LA and I was freezing! We've decided instead to go skiing during the third weekend in March, when a few of our friends will be able to join us as well.

This weekend Max and I will be celebrating Valentine's Day and our 5 year anniversary. Can I get a collective "awwww...." please?

Anyway, we've definitely decided to go out for dinner somewhere. Don't know where yet, but Max says he'll do some research. I figure as long as he can drop me off at the door of the restaurant so that I don't have to walk around in the cold, that'll be good. God, I really am such a wimp.

Hump Day aka Project Runway Day

I just really hope Kara gets booted off. She's nice enough but not nearly as talented as the others. The final three's got to be Chloe, Daniel and Santino. Got. to. be.

I obviously have Project Runway on my mind.

So a few peeps are coming over to watch it with me. I'm so excited. I plan on making Max's spinach & mushroom tortellini bake casserole thing. Super easy. Hopefully I won't dump the pasta down the drain this time. Everyone's bringing something to share (appetizers, salad, etc) and I've suggested having a walk-off at the end of the night to determine who gets the leftovers.

Happy Valentine's Day

XOXO to you all!

 

Weekend Recap

Well, this was my Lady of Leisure weekend.

Friday night I went to get my massage. The place was fine - very clean, and the service was no different that had I been at a fancy spa. Thing is, I'm beginning to suspect I'm not all that crazy about massages. They hurt. And then I tense up. And then the masseuse has to say, "RELAX!!" Which makes me even more nervous. Which then sort of defeats the whole purpose. Anyway, I was super dizzy and groggy after the massage too. I don't know why. Something about the lactic acid I think. I stopped at Famima on the way home and picked up some random foods (a pork bun, a spicy shrimp, and a spicy tuna sushi bowl) for dinner and then was asleep by 11 p.m.

Saturday was a beautiful day. I made myself a huge breakfast, took a nap on the couch, walked Pig, and then went to get my hair cut at a salon in Beverly Hills. Now, even though I work in BH, I don't really hang out there, and I certainly normally would never hang out there on Saturday afternoon, where between the roaming tourists and the one way streets, it's a miracle I didn't kill anyone. At the salon, I ended up sitting next to Lauren Holly, who brought her 3 kids and her nanny with her. Isn't the whole point of having a nanny is so that the kids stay at home while you're getting your hair cut??? Anyway, the nanny had a fancy camera and kept taking pictures of the kids. Celebrities are weird. Incidentally, I also sat next to the wife of Don Bellisario (creator of Magnum P.I., Quantum Leap, JAG, and NCIS - makes sense since Lauren Holly is now on NCIS - I guess they went to the salon together) Anyway, I didn't know she was Mrs. Bellisario, but it was obvious she was a True Lady of Leisure as she blabbed about the emerald and diamond earrings she got for her birthday, and the $40,000 watch she bought for her husband...which broke in Singapore. To be fair, she was actually pretty nice and smiled at me a couple times. Her hair stylist on the other hand, was a Carson Kressley wannabe who at first seemed sort of fun and told me I had amazing hair (really????) but then said to me, "Sweet pea - Tsk tsk - you gotta do something about that manicure. Like today. Now. Book yourself an appointment."

Okay, I know chipped red nail polish is tacky, but WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO SAY SOMETHING TO ME ABOUT IT????

On my way out I noticed that there was still a huge line in front of Sprinkles. I had never heard about this place but apparently it is the place to be. I think Oprah mentioned something about it, so now it's hugely popular. Anyway, I did wait for about 5 minutes in line, but since the line did not move AT ALL, and there were about 20 people in front of me, I decided to skip out on a cupcake and opted instead to stop at La Salsa for a burrito. Cupcake, burrito - same difference.

Anyway, half way into my burrito I remembered that I had dinner plans. Doh! I rushed home, changed, and met up with my client and his wife at a restaurant called Vermont, located on...Vermont. The food was excellent and I even got to order duck. I love duck, but it's not often you see it on a menu, except for at Chinese restaurants.

After dinner, I met up with a whole bunch of people at Boardwalk 11 and made it back home and in bed by 2 a.m.

I woke up Sunday morning craving breakfast at the Yukon Mining Company. I specifically wanted their belgian waffle with strawberries and whip cream special, which comes with two eggs, bacon, orange juice and coffee all for about $8.95. But I was too lazy to drive 10 mins to get there so I walked up to Duke's instead. They didn't have the special, but I was feeling stubborn so I ordered the quickie (english muffin, bacon, coffee and orange juice) AND the belgian waffles with strawberries and whip cream AND one fried egg. The bill came out to nearly $20. I walked home with leftovers in hand, while mentally whipping myself for spending $20 on breakfast...by myself.

I spent much of Sunday laying around reading an Agatha Christie novel. In the afternoon, I took Pig to Petco, where she decided to be a big baby and basically refused to get her nails cut because the woman who normally does her nails was not there. We did try with another girl, but she made the mistake of putting a MUZZLE on Pig (I had walked away, b/c Pig is a drama queen and is worse when I'm around). She told me that some dogs calm down when you put a muzzle on them. Well, I could have predicted Pig was not one of those dogs. I have NEVER put a muzzle on Pig, and for all I know maybe her previous owners used one on her and she has bad memories from it because the next thing I know, the girl comes out into the store area to call for back-up. She was looking a guy to hold down Pig. Apparently Pig basically threw her to the ground. Heheh. That's what she gets for trying to muzzle my dog. Anyway, Pig was obviously just way too freaked out, so I just took her back home. We're going back again - her regular manicurist is supposed to be there from 9 to 5. Hopefully she'll be better today.

I was in a bingey mood for the rest of the day so I finished my ALL my breakfast leftovers, ate the rest of my burrito, had 3 pieces of chicken piccatta, 4 clementines, half a bag of chocolate chips, and two pieces of toast with marmalade before I finally went to bed.

I think it's going to have to be one of those 1200 calories a day type of week.

You know you're having a good day...

when you spot the headless, bloated, belly-up dead rat on the sidewalk before Pig does.

It's Friday!!!

So last night was the first poker night at Jessie's since December, I think. It was great - just so nice to see everyone and play a chill game of poker. We talked a lot about Project Runway, and Erin amused us all by speaking with a Wisconsin accent for much of the night. Owen, a friend of ours from college, was in town so it was fun to catch up and reminisce a bit. I think I played okay (was a bit rusty after all these months). I'm most proud of the fact that I did NOT open up a bag of Ruffles potato chips that were just begging to be eaten. Having only gone to the gym once this week, I felt like it was time to exert a little self control. It was a fight, I tell you. I did have half a double chocolate cookie though. You gotta live a little.

I'm looking forward to the weekend, of course. Tonight I'm getting a massage!! I've decided it's a good reward for all the gym going that I've done since the new year. Ironic that I've been so bad about it this week, though. My friend recommended me to a place that is very inexpensive. It's called the Massage Company and their whole thing is that they're inexpensive because they don't look super upscale and provide cucumber water and pink towels. It's more of a doctor's appt type of place than a spa. But the service and quality is still there. Best part - 1 hr massage is only $39!!! 1 1/2 hrs is only $59!! My friend who recommended it is very OCD (won't touch door knobs with her bare hands type) and she said the place is very clean and nice. She went last Friday and said it was a great way to end the week, and to start the weekend. So, I'm looking forward to tonight. I plan on getting my massage, coming home for dinner (I'm thinking chicken piccatta - I bought this ready made sauce from TJ's and want to give it a try), and just relaxing for the rest of the night.

Tomorrow I'm getting my hair cut. Haven't decided quite what to do yet. I will probably be boring and get highlights and some more layers. Nothing exciting. I am just glad to get rid of the split ends. I haven't gotten my hair cut since July and it really shows. Afterwards, I'm supposed to have dinner with a client and his wife - I think we're going out for sushi. Thank god for expense accounts. Free sushi meal - yay!

Other weekend plans include giving Pig a bath. I wonder if she knows she smells.

Anyway, blah blah blah. Hey look, it's lunchtime!

Pics of the BFFs - Compliments of Thode - Thanks!!!

The BFFs take a nap together.

As Thode pointed out, Pig is clearly thinking, "Can you believe her????"

Project Runway Night

So last night was Project Runway Night. Jessie and Kate came over with wine, salad, and an awesome fruit plate. I tried to do my best Rachel Ray impression and made what should have been a 20 minute quick shrimp linguine "get-together-supper." Unfortunately it took nearly an hour because I accidentally dumped all the cooked linguine into the sink while trying to strain/drain the pasta so I had to start over. Because after all, we couldn't very well eat the pasta that had fallen into the sink, could we? Even though I had just bleached it earlier that night...still gross.

Anyway, I think Project Runway fans can be divided into two groups. The "I want to bone Santino" group and the "I don't want to bone Santino" group. I belong to the latter. Don't get me wrong - I do think Santino is brilliant. And his Tim impression just KILLS me. ("Andrae....") But, he's a really really big asshole and that just makes me not like him at all. I'm sad Nick went out - I liked him. I also like Daniel V. and Chloe. Kara (aka "Lips" - why does she insist on sticking out her lips while she's talking????) should definitely go next.

I can't wait for next week. There's definitely going to be some drama. I think we're getting together again for dinner and Project Runway so if there are PR fans out there who want to join us, let me know.

I promise not to dump the pasta down the drain again.

Random News

The tickets are booked. Max and I are going to Ireland!!!

Here's a link to the castle where the wedding will be held and where we'll be staying for a night!

http://www.cabracastle.com/

I've also suggested that to make things interesting, maybe we'll try a variety of accomodations during the week we're there - hotels, bed & breakfasts, even...a hostel. I'm not quite sure I really want to stay at a hostel, but I figure if I actually try it once, I can legitimately bitch about it and dodge having to stay at another one for the rest of my life.

In other interesting news, my brother is relocating to San Francisco from Chicago. I'm pretty excited about this. I anticipate a lot of drives up north these next few months. He's staying with the "Chinese Costanzas" until he finds a place. Maybe I can get him to "guest blog" and post some entries about life with the grandparents and and the rest of the gang up there.

This morning I was on the phone with my mom, and I said, "I bet you anything the first fight "Theo" will have with the "Chinese Costanzas" will be over laundry."

And funny enough, my mom said - "Oh that's what everyone has their money on already! Your aunts have already predicted this!"

The thing is, we know my grandma and brother so well. But you heard it here first:

Theo will say he will do his own laundry. He'll keep a basket in his room. Grandma will be okay with this, until she can't resist and will sneak into the guest room, find his dirty laundry, and wash his clothes. Then she will say, "I had to do your laundry because it was smelling up the place!" My brother will respond with, "I TOLD you I was going to do my own laundry, why'd you go into my room? And by the way, you SHRUNK all my clothes!" Grandma will then play victim and say something like, "Oh so now you're yelling at me - ME - an old woman - who has to act like a servant and do YOUR laundry. Oh I'm so sorry, Mr. Man of the House!"

(*sigh*)

I have NO doubt this will happen. I know because it's happened to me. Not the actually arguing part, but let me just say, from experience, Grandma will find the dirty underwear that you planned to wash when you got back to LA - the dirty underwear that you stashed in a pile under your suitcase - the dirty underwear that then miraculously became clean and folded in a pile on top of your bed. And then you have to walk around with the knowledge that your grandma thinks you're a freak because who the hell hides dirty underwear under a suitcase?

My mom, by the way, has suggested that my brother keep his dirty laundry locked in the trunk of his car. I added that he should keep the key on a string around his neck.

Super Bowl Winnings

So Max has lost yet another Super Bowl bet. I didn't really cash in on last year's win since he's been in Colorado for months, but I have every intention of cashing in this year's bet. The bet was whoever won got to choose a place for dinner and a movie, on the other person. I had originally intended to drag him to a Thai restaurant (he doesn't really like Thai) and a chick flick like "Something New" but then it dawned on me that this was the perfect opportunity to finally go to....

http://www.thedinnerdetective.com/

I. can't. wait.

Eureka!!

Drawing upon my online stalking prowess, I have located my hair stylist on myspace!

I. am. awesome.

It's Friday!!!

Yippeee!!!

I woke up this morning in a rather beautiful mood. I think that's what happens when you fall asleep before 11 p.m. (foregoing the ending to Without a Trace) and wake up at 8:30 a.m. 9 1/2 hours of sleep is apparently the magical amount.

My arms are a little sore from boxing last night but overall I don't feel too awful. I think I'm going to give spinning another try tonight. I was mildly tempted to buy these padded bike shorts I saw at the Sport Chalet yesterday, but I just couldn't see myself wearing something with a gigantic taco shapped shoulder pad sewn into the crotch. I'm hoping that if I just take the time to carefully adjust the bike properly, maybe I can avoid the cooch pain.

In other news, my hairstylist has apparently left the hair salon she worked at. I have no contact number for her, and about a million split ends so I'm quite unhappy about that at the moment. I thought about searching for her info online, but since I only know that her first name is "Michelle" and she lives in Los Angeles, I think it'd be pretty useless. I am sad about this. My hair is sad about this.

I am NOT sad about the fact that I got my taxes done and am expecting a nice return. Whoo hoo!

Did I mention Max and I are going to Ireland? Yep, beginning of June. I am so excited. We're going for a wedding that's being held at a CASTLE. Wow. Thank god for the tax return. Renting a room in a castle is pricey.

Boxing Day

So I've taken up boxing.

Not really.

Last week Julia and I took a "Club Boxing Circuit" class at the gym. The instructor (who also happens to be the Monday kickboxing instructor) divided the class into four groups and we rotated through 4 different sections twice. My favorite section is the "free style punching bag" part - serious stress reliever. My least favorite part was using the hand wraps that they provided. After I noticed how sweaty I got in my borrowed pair, I could only imagine how seriously soaked with other people's sweat it probably was. Gross. So today I bought my own hand wraps. Now I don't have to Purrell my hands furiously as I walk out of the classroom.

Very eventful day all in all. I have decided, after all, not to quit my job. Yes, that was a very serious possibility. After months of negotiating, we've finally come to an agreement so I won't be sitting at home watching reruns of a Different World and living off of Max after all. I can't say I'm not disappointed...

February 1st - Progress Report on My Resolutions

So it's February 1st. Time to pay the rent, and as promised (to myself), time to reflect on how well, or not well, I've done on my resolutions.

1.) Be healthier
I would have to say I've done very well with this, except for the last few days when I rediscovered the glory of chocolate (I've been eating Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate Chips - leftover from the fondue- straight out of the bag for days now), and rediscovered my passion for Ruffles potato chips and french onion dip. I have not heated one. single. microwavable lean cuisine type thing and instead have been cooking, albeit disastrously, at home almost every night. I've gone out to eat a few times but I've really gotten that under control. I actually have been going to the gym quite frequently - I would have to say, in the last 22 days or so (3 weeks, since I didn't start exercising until the 2nd week in Jan), I've gone to the gym about 14 times. 14 TIMES!!! That's SO much. I am now officially an "Exerciser."

Also, I've been flossing almost daily, cut down on alcohol, and gotten a lot of sleep. I'm usually out by 11 p.m. and I get up between 7:30 and 8 a.m. so I'm sleeping plenty. I've made an effort to drink more water and generally remember to take a multivitamin about three times a week. I don't know what happens with the other four days...

2.) Do things besides playing poker online and watching TV
Well, this one's okay. I've barely played poker online - I played a couple games last Sunday night but that was the first in weeks. The tv watching - I can't say there's been much improvment. I did however finally pay my library fine ($17 as opposed to the $30 I had estimated) so I've been reading again. Of course, I've been reading only mysteries - in fact I just started on the Kinsey Milhone series.

I have also been brainstorming on yet another attempt to write a cozy mystery. You know the kind I'm talking about. Light, fluffy, not particularly well written, but the characters are fun and engaging. The kind with recipes in the back. Anyway, I've been thinking about doing a light mystery with a divorced Chinese Agatha Raisin/Jane Marple type who lives in Chinatown. She lives in a flat above her Chinese restaurant, and she and her mahjong buddies end up getting involved in some sort of crime that they have to solve. Silly, I know, but it's fun to think about, although coming up with the murder and the red herrings and all the clues is awfully difficult. Anyway, I see it as a sort of like a lightly comedic Joy Luck Club mystery. If this exists already, don't tell me - I don't want to know about it...

3.) Donate
Wellllll....I sort of cheated on this. I knew I'd be posting a progress report today so yesterday I made a last minute donation to Doctors Without Borders. Still counts though, right?

4.) Work more efficiently
This has gone really poorly, so I suppose this is the one that needs the most work. We'll see.