Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Weekend Recap

Man, I wish I could have a 3 day weekend every weekend. Actually, what I really wish is that every day was a weekend day...unfortunately have yet to win the lottery, so am back in the office. (*sigh*) July 4th seems so far away.

Let's see. What did I do this weekend?

Friday night we went over to Amol's to play poker. Max came in second which was great. I went out fairly early which sucked somewhat because I had nothing to do but shuffle cards for the next three hours until the game was actually over. While I am an excellent shuffler, I do prefer playing...

Saturday was a lay around day. Oh actually Saturday we went to various stores to buy frames and other wall hanging things. The apartment is really coming together. Went to the library to pick up some of my Hamish books and discovered I had a $16 fine due to some late exercise videos. Which I never even used. The snooty librarian pointed out I got them for free for 7 days, and I had to resist the urge to slap her.

Sunday morning started out very poorly. Pig had diarrhea again so I had to take her out at 5 a.m., 7 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and then finally to the vet's office at 12:30 p.m. She got a couple shots and some nasty pills (which I have to give her every 8 hours so I keep waking up at strange times of the night) and I got handed a $180 vet bill. Wow. Really wish I had just fed her rice for a few more days to see if that would have cleared it up.

We had a few people over to bbq on Sunday evening. I gleefully watched as the smoke drifted over to my next door neighbor's window. Pistons lost (boo!), and we drank martinis out of my new glasses (yay!).

Yesterday was probably the most glorious day of the weekend. I read three Hamish books, took two naps, drank undieted pop, ate potato chips straight out of the bag, ate some chocolate, ate goulash (Max made it - excellent) watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Shrek 2 and Hell's Kitchen and I Love Lucy and a few Seinfeld reruns and a few Three's Company reruns, left a ton of dishes in the sink, didn't do the massive amount of laundry I have hanging out in the closet, didn't shower and never changed out of my pajamas the whole day, even tho I had to walk Pig a few times. Oh and Pig had good poop.

Now THAT is the high life.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Thoughts on Unwashed Hair

So I've been thinking...

I notice when someone hasn't washed their hair that morning. Not that it looks necessarily terrible, but I can tell when it's not freshly washed hair.

I mean, not everyone washes their hair EVERY morning - in fact, we're not supposed to. My hair stylist tried to convince me to wash my hair every 3 or 4 days, which is ridiculous. After 3 or 4 days, you could stick wicks on top of my head and sing Hannukah songs to me.

Anyway, I've decided to compromise and usually skip a day. And on those non-hair-washing days, I convince myself - "Oh you can't tell. It doesn't look so bad. I'll just put it up in a pony tail."

But see, now I'm thinking, since I can tell someone has skipped a day, does this mean other people can tell I've skipped a day?

I mean, do you think what happens is everyone tells themselves it's not noticeable, but actually everyone notices? So rule of thumb is, if you tell yourself it's okay, it's actually not?

Not that non-freshly-washed hair is such a big deal...

3 day weekend baby. My mind is SO not on work.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

A Post Full of Empty Threats

I warned you Mr. Next Door Neighbor.

But nooooo....you had to bug me about my bbq grill again. In fact, you didn't even have the nerve to talk to me directly...you had to send Manuel the Apartment Manager.

Mind you, Manuel the Apartment Manager thinks you're an idiot. He actually had to apologize for even asking me to move the grill. He too knows that moving it two feet over won't make a difference. Smoke goes whichever direction the wind blows.

Hope you like the unholy stench of the rotting raw chicken breasts I'm going to throw on to your balcony.

And oh yeah, I'm going to grill every day until I develop coalminer's cough. Just to spite you.

Post Move-In Update (Scroll Down for Photos)

The thing about moving in together after dating for over four years is that there's not much that I haven't seen or don't know about Max. We've really been basically living together for years now. The only thing I need to adjust to is all his furniture and items he's brought over from his apartment. Now we've managed to fit most of it, and most of it actually fits quite nicely. But frankly, I'm just not used to the Straight Man's Decorating Mind. Not that I'm any good at decorating - I live by the "Line your furniture around the perimeter of the room" rule and haven't hung anything up on the walls. Ever. But still. The SMDM stumps me. I haven't had a male roommate ever. My last roomie was Kate, and I can honestly say there wasn't anything she put anywhere that I didn't approve of. Except for maybe the open tin of Mrs. Beasley Lemon Cake, and that only happened once. ;)

These past few days, I keep coming home to find items in strange locations. Now I'll be the first to admit that I can be totally anal and OCD about certain things - (*gasp, no!!!*) I know that about myself, so the comforter that he bunched up and jammed into the Scary Closet will be carefully refolded when I get around to it. That's not him, it's me. Just like the random football that he set on top of the bedroom bookcase - more me than him. Football will soon be relocated to the "games" area of the living room closet.

But yesterday, when I looked up at the very top of my kitchen cabinet and I found a George Foreman Grill displayed up there with all my DECORATIVE items such as plants, vases, cool candle holders, etc...I thought...Hmm...what exactly goes on in the SMDM?????

Then, I plopped down on the couch, and found myself staring at 3 plastic gumby like COLONS with happy faces on them, all lined up in a row on the tv stand, staring back at me. Now, I happen to know these bendable happy faced plastic colons are a gift from Marco (his brother-in-law), who got them from some pharmaceutical company, but is it anal to not want to see 3 grinning plastic colons lined up on the tv stand? Hey, I got a sense of humor...but still....

Obviously, living together is all about compromise and Max is a very agreeable guy. He doesn't care at all that I've hogged up over 3/4 of the clothes closet and dresser. Or that I've stuck all his tools and electrical junk into a wicker trunk thing that is a big pain in the ass to get into. And chances are, I can move things around and he wouldn't even notice. Even if he did notice, he wouldn't care enough to do anything about it. So in return, we'll leave the Detroit Lions throw pillow out in the living room (during football season.) And we'll leave the creepy card from his friend (scary pic of her on the outside, something about engorged penises and fecal matter on the inside) on top of the living room book shelf.

But I think I can draw the line at 3 grinning plastic colons, right?

Beyonce, Kelly, and the Third Destiny's Child Member (whatever her name is)

Posted by Hello

Posted by Hello

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Random Thoughts in My Head

TV Episodes I hate

--Cosby episodes with Cousin Pam.

--Scotland episode of I Love Lucy.

--"Empty Nest" spin off episode of Golden Girls.

--Episode of Buffy where Buffy gets a job at the fast food restaurant.

--Scary Halloween episode of Facts of Life

Commercials I hate

--Any Carl's Junior commercial - but particularly the new Paris Hilton one

--The tampon/pad one where a woman keeps asking female shoppers if they hate feeling "sticky" down there (i think that's the word she uses...)

--Fitness Made Simple commercial w/ John Basedow

Good Idea or Bad Idea?

In the course of combining my apartment and Max's apartment, we've suddenly got an extra tv. So of course, I take it to the office and now I can watch tv all day long!!! I'm already scanning tv guide to see what exactly is on during the day....

Monday, May 23, 2005

Weekend Recap

Well this was a very busy weekend for me and I was quite tempted to call in sick this morning, just to get a day to recover. Saturday morning we got some sad news - a death in Max's family. His grandpa on his mom's side had passed away the night before. I only got to meet him once, but I'm glad that I did. He was a very nice and sweet man. I have a great picture of him and the rest of Max's family somewhere on this blog. Anyway, my sincerest condolences to Lynn and Jean and the rest of the family...

So basically this whole weekend was about cleaning and moving. I spent Saturday cleaning out The Scary Closet. Yes, you all have one. Don't even try to deny it. The most random thing I found in The Scary Closet? One small stuffed llama - the size of a Barbie horse. A housewarming gift to me and Kate from Jessi, I think. Post if you have something even more random in your Scary Closet. Winner gets....um, bragging rights?

After the closet cleaning, I went over to Reggie's (Julia's new man) place to play poker and drink lemon drops. I had a great time, met some cool people, learned a whole bunch of poker based card games, won about $3 and was back home before midnight. Now that is my kind of night.

Sunday was the big move in day. First we went to pick up a beautiful dresser we bought off of Craigslist. It's really cool and vintage looking. Next came the actual moving, which I managed to get out of, on the grounds that I really can't lift anything heavy, and there was more closet cleaning to be done. Man, my bedroom closet looks awesome now. I mean, OUR bedroom closet looks awesome now. I reorganized all my clothes and got all of Max's clothes in too. Sadly for Max though, he only gets 3 out of the 9 drawers in the dresser. It just can't be helped. Where's a girl suppose to put her 30 some different tank tops? And if anyone's wondering about the shoes, well, I think I've found the answer. Hanging shoe shelves.

Oh, and Pig licked some 409 cleaning fluid, which I was quite concerned about, until both my mom and aunt assured me that she would probably be fine. And Max pointed out that once, he accidentally swallowed some radiator fluid (don't ask...something about siphoning and an oil change or something) and survived. Of course, that explains a lot... ;)

Friday, May 20, 2005

Street Cleaners

Oh for the love of god I wish these people would try a little harder. Doggie Diarrhea Duty at 4:30 a.m. and then again at 7:00 a.m. is just no fun. Especially if you have tickets to an 11:00 p.m. Star Wars screening the following night, and are liable to fall asleep by 9 p.m, even on a "good" day.

ARGH!!! Worst Fears Confirmed

Listen, I just want to direct everyone's attention to this post on Elliot's blog about her husband getting a hamster. Because there are some disturbing rodent stories logged in the comments section and I feel it's my duty, as the #1 rodent-phobic person in the U.S., nay North America, to pass this info on.

Also, it'd be nice if people would stop laughing at me when I explain to them I'm afraid of rodents because I think they will jump up and bite my face. BECAUSE THEY WILL.

Mr. Next Door Neighbor

Ah Mr. Next Door Neighbor. As much as I appreciated how politely you phrased your request, surely you must have caught the sarcasm in my voice as I fake-politely humored you and asked you where specifically would you like me to move my bbq the next time I grill? You see, my balcony, like yours, is oh, about 4 ft by 5 ft. In your heart of hearts, you must know that even if I scoot the grill over to the other side of the balcony, the smoke is not going to dramatically change direction. It's going to go whichever the way the wind blows. Wouldn't it be much easier to simply CLOSE YOUR WINDOW if the smoke happens to be wafting a bit in????

Seriously, please don't bug me about this again. Or else I will chuck raw marinated chicken pieces on to your balcony. And I won't even feel bad about it.

Fun Game

So Jake introduced me to this fun workday time killer. Check it out if you're bored, post if you get stuck!



Congrats to LaLa (Max's sister - not her real name obviously) and Marco!! They just found out the gender of their upcoming second baby (somehow "upcoming" does not seem like the right word here..."outcoming" "outgoing"...whatever...) and ..... IT'S A GIRL!!!

Whoo Hoo!! Girls rock.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

American Idol and Other Thoughts

So, Vonzie got kicked off last night, and I'm a bit sad about that but I have to tell you that my love for The Vonz became overshadowed by my new found love for The Bo. He was so awesome on Tuesday that 1.) I actually got teary-eyed during his acappella performance and 2.) I voted. That's right. For all you Bo-lovin' peeps out there, rest assured that I rose to the occasion, and spent a good 10 minutes text messaging VOTE 5702 VOTE 5702 VOTE 5702 over and over again. Now we'll just have to wait until I get my wireless bill to see how much that cost me. Cingular did kindly send me a text message informing me of how I could chat with other AI fans. Uh...How about no?

Oh - other AI news. I think I saw Jessica Sierra the other day. Anyone remember her? She was prettier and thinner in person than on stage. Interesting. So I guess that whole camera adds ten lbs thing is true.

Let's see. What else? Pig found a patch of apparently wonderful smelling grass on the side of the street yesterday and spent five minutes manically rolling around in it. Girl would not get up, and it was rather embarassing. Of course, I'm just glad there wasn't any dog shit on this patch of grass - at least none that I could see.

So Max and I have decided Sunday will be the offical move in day. That's right. We've been talking about it forever, and decided a few weeks ago that it was definitely going to happen. No more of this two apartment stuff. Now we'll both be jammed in my place. We're splitting the rent - which means bring out the Dom Perignon and party at Bloomingdale's this weekend, whoo hoo!!! No, not really. More like party in my IRA account. No, not really. More like pathetic searching through used furniture listings on Craigslist for a dresser, bookcase, and a desk. We're going to have to do some reorganizing to make everything fit. And shoes - good lord, where do people put their shoes??? He has about ten pairs, and I have nearly thirty so there are shoes everywhere now in the apartment. It seems like everytime I turn around, they've spawned and there's suddenly a little village of shoes in the middle of the room.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Disposable Camera

So I finally got around to developing the film from the disposable camera I got back when I was in Japan...last year in August, I think. Anyway, here are some pics. Thought I'd share.

One of my first apple pies - Ugly, but good. Posted by Hello

Tuna head - that's right, think of this the next time you order a spicy tuna roll (inexlicably, I have about seven pictures of tuna) Posted by Hello

Pig in fire gear Posted by Hello

Pig in a blanket Posted by Hello

My Grandparents and a Tokyo Pig Posted by Hello

Me & a Tokyo Pig Posted by Hello

"Theo" & "Justine" - I keep hoping they'll move out to LA someday... Posted by Hello

My cousins - in their matching jackets. According to my aunts, they read this blog (so keep your comments PG!) but I suspect only my aunts are reading on a regular basis... Posted by Hello

Firefighter Comments on Random Girl's Blog

LOL. Our resident LAFD firefighter/fellow-blogger, who was the one who posted about the LAFD Annual Open House in the first place, has kindly posted a nice note. Check out his comment under the "Field Trip to the Fire Station" post.

Thanks Brian! (should you come to this blog again) We had a great time, and will be sending the firemen copies of our pics as soon as we get them all developed!!!!

Monday, May 16, 2005

Creepy or No?

So, I was walking across the street to get to a nearby mall (without Pig) when a strange man looks at me and says, simply/psychically, "You have a dalmatian."

Whoa. I said, "Yeah, I do, how did you know?" and he smiles and doesn't answer me and walks away. So I catch up to him and say, "You gotta tell me how you know!" and he says, "I've seen you walking around with your dog."


Unfortunately, we were both waiting for the light to change, so I had no where to go. He asked me if I lived on X Street. Which I do but I lied and said I lived on Y Street, which was a terrible lie because there are no residential buildings on Y Street. Absolutely ridiculous lie. I asked him where he lives, and apparently, he just lives down the street from me on X Street, so now I've some explaining to do if I run into him again. He makes more small talk and asks me where I work and my paranoid fear of potential stalkers (not that I've had any, but that doesn't ease the fear) overcomes me again so I LIE AGAIN and tell him I work in Santa Monica, which is so so so not true. Anyway, small talk small talk, until finally I get to the mall and blurt out "Nice chatting, see you around" and run away from him. I spend the whole time at the mall glancing over my shoulder and peering around mannequins, making sure he's not following me.

The above is creepy because:

a.) It's creepy when random people notice you, potentially notice your schedule, and might even know where you live/work. Because obviously they have nothing better to do than stalk you. Because you are just that awesome.

b.) It's creepy because the man was wearing a sleeveless tank top.

c.) It's creepy because for a second, I thought he guessed I had a dalamatian, because I happened to be dressed like one - in black and white. Yes, sometimes I dress like my dog.

d.) It's NOT creepy....I am.

So far, having relayed the story to Max, Kate and my Aunt Marilyn, the consensus has been answer "D."

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Am I Really That Predictable?

My boyfriend knows me incredibly well. Scarily well. Yesterday after Jessie's bbq, we went on to do our own things - he hung out with some friends, and me, after having the day I had yesterday (firestation trip, japanese lunch at Umai Sushi, barhopping from the Abbey to Barney's, and then on to Jessie's bbq) decided to go home. This morning, after recounting to me the night he had, I thought I'd be funny and told him that Kate and I went to Red Rock after the bbq.

He immediately knew I was lying.

So, Mr. Smartypants, what did I do, I asked him. He guessed I did the following, in this order:

1.) Went home
2.) Walked Pig
3.) Changed out of my contacts/got ready for bed
4.) Poured myself a glass of water
5.) Got into bed
6.) Read a bit of a Hamish Macbeth book
7.) Watched either a sitcom from the 70's or 80's, or watched the Food Network or a makeover show
8.) Fell asleep

And the scary thing is that apart from a few slight mistakes, I basically did what he guessed.

This is what actually happened:

1.) Went home
2.) Walked Pig
3.) Changed out of my contacts/got ready for bed
4.) Poured myself a glass of water
5.) CHECKED MY BLOG (he said, "ahhh, I should have guesssed that. I just assumed the internet wasn't working" - I've been having some problems with my wireless connection)
6.) HUNG OUT IN THE LIVING ROOM not bedroom and watched some SNL
7.) Got into bed
8.) Watched Three's Company (70's sitcom), Cheers (80's sitcom)
9.) Fell asleep

I would have read a bit of Hamish, exactly when he guessed, but I had just finished "Death of a Dentist" that morning and didn't have another Hamish book laying around.

Good grief, I'm predictable.

Field Trip to the Fire Station


We did it.

And we have the pics to prove it.

Yesterday, Lypstykgirl, Kate, AJ, Julia, Pig and I headed over to one of the Hollywood firestations for the LAFD Annual Open House. Pig wore her little fire chief hat and looked adorable! Our hopes to have brunch with firemen were dashed, as they had run out of pancakes by the time we got there, but it was an otherwise AWESOME trip. The firemen were really nice and took the time to give us a tour and answer all our questions. They even let us try on their firefighting gear which were amazingly heavy. Man, these guys are in great shape if they can run in those outfits. Julia and I both got to wear their pants and we have some terrific group photos. It was really hot in there though - partly because their clothes were so insulated and partly because it was more than 80 degrees outside. And there were firemen milling around. I was really amazed by their stories about the kinds of runs they make, and the kind of work they do. Definitely have a new deep appreciation. Anyway, of course the star of the whole outing was Pig who looked so natural and at home at the firestation. She was pretty cooperative, although she had no desire to get on the truck. She even approached a few firemen. I think the bag of baby carrots and cookies I had on me helped.

Kate was kind enough to bring her digital camera, and the rest of the girls brought some disposable ones, so as soon as I get copies of those pics, I'll post them up. I think the big group shots are on the disposable ones.

Here we are at the station! Posted by Hello

Pig - not interested in getting on the truck Posted by Hello

Pig - more interested in what's under the truck Posted by Hello

Maybe we should just sit in front of the truck Posted by Hello

Finally - we're both looking at a camera! But not at this one. Posted by Hello

Hi, my name is Pig... Posted by Hello

Holding Pig in one hand, grabbing his ax in the other... Posted by Hello

Pig staring inappropriately Posted by Hello

Posted by HelloPig - uninterested in looking at the camera or Kate

Lypstykgirl has stripped a fireman of his top, and Julia is getting into a fireman's pants. Posted by Hello

Posted by Hello

Friday, May 13, 2005


It. Is. On.

Yes. It is going to happen.

I've rounded up a small posse of women to go with Pig and me to a local firestation tomorrow. I'm really glad they've all said they'll go, because something about firemen brings out the "inner" nerd in me, and renders me completely shy and mute. I morph into a 13 year old girl and big glasses, bad hair and braces suddenly grow out of my face. So please - PLEASE - someone speak up for me and explain what we're doing there, before I get us all kicked out for trying shove Pig up on a firetruck without permission.

I had to call up and see if they'll allow dogs in the "Pancake Breakfast" area, which is where we're going first. Apparently, they're serving brunch or something. I could tell the fireman who returned my call really didn't know if I could bring her. He said the food area is outside, but he didn't know how other people would feel about eating with a dog nearby. And that he wasn't so sure himself. So, our prospects didn't look so good. But then he asked what kind of dog I wanted to bring - big or small - and I answered "A Dalmatian" and stammered something about how I wanted to um, er, takesomepicsofmydalamatianwithfiremenandfiretruckstuff, he suddenly didn't see a problem with bringing her at all. :) I assured him she's very well-behaved, doesn't bark or jump up on people and is very sweet. (although I conveniently did not mention how she LOVES food and will sit and stare at someone until they feed her, which is especially embarassing when we're walking by Starbucks and outdoor dining patios)

So tonight is Bath Night for Pig. Gotta get her nice and cleaned up for her big modeling shoot. I agree with Max that she'd look better on a fire truck without her fire chief outfit, but I want a few with her in her costume anyway.

I'm going to send out awesome Christmas cards this year.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

1st Annual WeHo Pet Pride Day

Considering Pig got into a fight with a bull dog the other day, and then tried to eat a small weiner dog, perhaps June 25th would be a good day to stay indoors.


Of course, it'd be a pity to miss the "Blessing of the Animals."

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Pig-Related Field Trips

Well, ladies, as you may recall, the LAFD is having its Annual Open House this Sat. I'm not sure I actually have the nerve to bring Pig to a firestation and ask if I can take pics of her on the truck with firemen, but I just wanted to throw it out there and see if I have gutsier friends who are willing to twist my arm into doing it.

If not, the genius who is Kate has invented a drink called a Pigtini, which is basically a regular martini but with black olives. And maybe served with a white napkin wrapped around it. (cuz we couldn't think of anything that would look white but would actually taste okay with black olives). I propose a barhopping field trip to find a bartender/owner who will 1.) make us Pigtinis 2.) Put Pigtinis on their menu.

And some day, if you see Nicolette Sheridan sipping a Pigtini on DH, you'll know you read about it here first.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

2 Disconcerting Things That Happened During My Class Break

1.) WCA waved to me on my way back from the vending machines.

2.) One of my classmates came up to me and asked me if I wanted to buy a copy of the midterm that we're taking next week. Whoa. Call me naive but that's never happened to me before. She's an idiot (and a cheater, but that's obvious) for the following reasons:

-The class is EXTRAORDINARILY easy. All you have to do is show up and listen.
-The midterm consists of 15 True/False questions and 15 multiple choice questions. A monkey could pass it.
-The instructor gave us a "midterm review" last week and he told us what to study specifically for every. single. question. As in Question #17 will be about the four different eras in the history of advertising.
-Most of the students are post-undergrad professionals looking to make a job change and are paying $500 to take a class that's supposed to help their careers.
-Showing no fear or sense of judgement, she asked everyone she saw if they'd like to buy a copy of the midterm, including the 50 something year old guy, who's taking the class along with his wife . Really, all it takes is for one of us to blow the whistle, and I don't know her from Jennifer Wilbanks.

Obviously, I didn't buy one and said "No, thanks" and I'm quite heartened that my groupmates said "No, thanks" as well. I don't think she had a lot of takers, although she did have a handful of money when she came up to me, so maybe there are more idiots in my class than I thought. Part of me wants to anonymously tip the instructor off and at least have him change some of the questions on the test. I wouldn't rat her out specifically. The other part of me feels like - why bother? I mean, what's the point really? She's an idiot, and that's that.

So, any thoughts? Anyone? Anyone?

Monday, May 09, 2005

Back to Exercising

Yesterday, when I told Max I was going to try out the Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease work out video I got from Netflix (edited to add, for my family members who read this: not because I have sudden aspirations to be stripper but these kinds of aerobic workouts are all the rage at the gyms in LA these days and you stay fully clothed the whole time), he said, "Ooh. I want to be around to see that."

Now, I know most boyfriends would say this with a sort of knowing, lascivious tone in their voice, but not mine. Nope. Mine said it, not even trying to hide the laughing, like, "Ooh. THAT'S GOING TO BE FUCKING HYSTERICAL. I want to be around to see that."

Thanks, Max.

As it turns out, I didn't get to try it because Netflix sent me the wrong one and it was Carmen Electra's Lap Dance workout. Which made me blush and I had to turn it off after a minute. So I did Billy Blank's Tae Bo and Kathy Smith's Time Saver Weight lifting program instead. And now I'm so sore I can't even tie my own shoe laces. Or blowdry my hair. Or bend my arms in any way at all.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Carrot & Radish Soup

Today I am making one of my favorite kinds of Chinese soups. It's the first time I've ever tried to make it, and it was a pain in the ass to find all the ingredients. Mainly because I really hate going to the Chinese grocery stores. They tend to be dirty, cramped, and filled with food that I know I love, but would rather not know what it is. Or see, in its uncooked form. Stuff like "Fish Maw." I don't know what that is because my mom won't actually tell us kids for fear that we'll get grossed out, but it hasn't escaped us that the Chinese words for it are "Fish Stomach."

So back to the soup, which is a carrot & radish soup. I love it, and it really does taste good, but unfortunately, it smells really really terrible when you're cooking it. How terrible, you may ask? Well, as my mother describes it, it smells like "a hundred people farting....all at once....in your apartment."

Poor Max. Poor Pig. Poor neighbors.

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Pig and I both exchanged Happy Mother's Day this morning. We're sure that she's had a few litters (she hadn't been spayed until she got to the rescue place and she's got nipples you can hang coats on) but who knows where those dead beat good-for-nothing kids are so we're just going to celebrate together. We've decided to go barhopping and shopping for Mother's Day! First we're going to stop by at the Rawhide bar at Petco, and then move on to the Cookie bar at Petco. Then we'll stroll down the toy aisle and find a replacement for Ducky and Shoe, who are now nothing but tufts of asbestos looking stuffing crap. Later she's going to catch me a squirrel!

Friday, May 06, 2005

Happy Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday to my brother "Theo"!!!!!! He is turning 24 today. Whoo hoo!

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Blogging Doldrums/Happy Cinco de Mayo

Well, tried to post a few times this week, but couldn't come up with anything interesting (which normally doesn't stop me from posting, but I guess I was just feeling lazy)...

I was going to show you all how the Pistons player Chauncey Billups looks like Scrappy-Doo, and how the Pistons coach Larry Brown looks like Mr. Roper from Three's Company, but when I went to Google images, I discovered that....well, I was wrong.

I was going to talk about how I have a crush on Allen Iverson, and how cute he is, and how he too looks a bit like Scrappy-Doo, but then I noticed that all I talk about are crushes I have on firemen and that guy from The Office, and Keanu Reeves, so I decided not to.

I was going to make fun of Paula Abdul but I couldn't think of anything beyond, "Man, Paula has really bad taste in men." Or meaner (which might spur the wrath of karma gods who in turn would curse me with a zit on my nose - seriously, it's true - mean thoughts beget mean zits on my nose), "Man, props for dating a guy 18 years younger than you, but it doesn't count if he looks and acts like something that crawled out of a dumpter." Or worse, "Corey Clark has a rat face."

I was going to make fun of the Runaway Bride but then everyone in the world pretty much has so what's the point.

I was going to talk about how I read another Hamish Macbeth mystery, "Death of a Glutton" but well, that's was that. Blog entry would have been: "Today I read another Hamish Macbeth mystery, "Death of a Glutton."

So I'll just leave you all with,


(and some pics from my aborted posting attempts - you be the judge)

(running off now to put some Clearasil on my nose)

 Posted by Hello

 Posted by Hello

 Posted by Hello

 Posted by Hello