Friday, April 29, 2005

An Open Plea to My Friends

Well, tonight Plumb and I are throwing a joint birthday party at this fun open patio bar place. I'm really excited and am anticipating having a great time. I've already decided that the word of the night should be "moderation" because I really don't want a nasty hangover, but just in case my resolve should fail, I thought I'd make a plea to my friends who read this and who will be there tonight:

1. Please do not let me mix dark liquors (whiskey, bourbon, etc.) with light ones (vodka, rum) as I hear that can be the source of a nasty hangover.

2. Please do not let me or make me (I don't think any of you are that type, but just in case) do shots because, well, there's a good chance it'll immediately come straight back up - on to you.

3. Please encourage me to drink water in between drinks. Or at least something with a mixer. (as in - do not let me drink martinis the whole night, regardless of what I may say)

4. Please point out steps, doorways, chairs, and table corners as sometimes these things like to unexpectedly jump into my way.

5. Please hold my hair back.

6. Please remind me to hover over a toilet seat, and not actually sit down, as this will spare me countless hours of OCD anguish Saturday morning.

7. Please do not let me dance, if there isn't any music playing.

8. Please do not let me take off my heels and walk around barefoot, even if I complain of my feet hurting, as this too will spare me countless hours of OCD anguish Saturday morning.

9. Please do not let me decide, even if I'm convinced no one can see, to undo the jeans buttons, on account of my jeans being too tight around the stomach.

10. Please do not let me decide, even if I'm convinced no one can see, to take off my jeans, on account of my jeans being too tight around the stomach.

Your efforts are greatly appreciated.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Awesome Things on my Birthday

-Birthday wishes from friends and family - love you guys.

-My mom and Aunt Marilyn singing "Happy Hygiene" to me in Chinese.

-My grandma singing "Happy Birthday" to me in English.

-This email:

TO: All
RE: wasabi mustard on carpet

Whoever dropped their wasabi in front of M___'s office, please clean it up!

-Breakfast at Duke's Coffee shop

-Max taking Pig out for a walk so I didn't have to for a change

-No more Constantine

-Napping with Pig on the couch, and not getting the "butt end" of Pig (she never curls the way I want her to)

-Not getting a stomach cramp at all today even though I'm wearing my too tight jeans, which is a first in a long time

-Greatly reduced size of zit on my nose - should be entirely cover-upable by tomorrow

-My personally requested dinner menu to be prepared by Max: Martinis, steak & chicken wings (straight from the bbq grill), broccoli, ambrosia salad, grocery store single layer yellow sheet cake (the kind with the white frosting and colored flowers)

-Meet the Fockers (yes, Max is renting it for me and will sit through it again)

It has been, and will continue to be, a lovely 27th birfday.

Best Day of the Year

Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me & Matt & Matt's friend Zach (?) & Jessica Alba & Saddam Hussein (ok, maybe not you),
Happy Birthday to me!

Happy Hygiene to us all!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

My New Office Crush

Am I the only one out here who's crushin' on Jim (played by John Krasinski) from The Office?

So adorable.

(*sigh*) The average age of the men in my office is 55. The median is 68.

Full Length See Through FishNet Pants Spotted in WeHO

And that is NOT okay. Very traumatic. I should clarify that the man was not wearing anything under the Full Length See Through FishNet Pants.



Grumpy this morning. Hauled ass (no make-up on, hair dripping wet) to make it to our weekly staff meeting this morning only to find it had been cancelled. Grr. Now I feel ugly and am cold, on account of the wet hair.

Really my fault, as I had taken yesterday afternoon off - I was not feeling very well. Had I been in the office, I would have heard. Oh well. (also, my office email, which is supposed to forward to my aol account, did not - damn you, AOL)

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Monday Night Class

I don't know if it's what's I'm saying, or the way I speak, but I noticed last night that all my groupmates furrowed their brows when I was talking.

Max has just hypothesized that perhaps I talk too loudly. (Wha???) Which immediately makes me think that I must be going deaf and should get my hearing checked. Maybe it's related to that weird new crackly sound in my left ear. Of course, this is coming from a man who asked me this morning if I thought a roll of quarters could fit up his nose...

I would like to think that it's because they all find me riveting, rather than to think I've turned into THAT GIRL. You know the one.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Impromptu Photo Shoot w/ Pig - thanks Justine!

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Saturday, April 23, 2005


So, just discovered that I can actually order exercise videos from Netflix.

Finally, a legitimate reason to cancel my gym membership!

Joey "Monchichi" Harrington

Conversation I had with Max during the NFL Draft which started about Aaron Rogers/Joey Harrington...

Max: So people compare Harrington to Rogers because they had the same coach - Jeff Tedford and because..
Sareet: (interrupting) Because they look alike?
Max: No. They do?
Sareet: No. (pause) Well, they both have brown hair and brown eyes.
Max: Oh. Yeah. Well, Joey is kind of strange looking and doesn't look like anyone else.
Sareet: Joey's cute!!! I think he looks like Munchichi.
Max: A Munchichi?
Sareet: Munchichi? Monchichi? You know, the stuffed monkey toy thing.
Max: Hmm. Yeah, a Monchichi. He does look like Monchichi. (laughs)
Max: (thoughtfully) Well, I like monkeys.

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Friday, April 22, 2005

More Unrequited Love

Speaking of unrequited love, once there was a rather pushy small white dog who kept trying to hump Pig. After shaking this guy off several times, and running away from him, she finally figured out how to get rid of him:

She sat down.

Yup, right in the middle of the park. And wouldn't move. Eventually, the small white dog gave up.

This oddly, reminded me of some nasty dance clubs I've been to.

Pig and Vegas: An Unrequited Love Story

Pig has an admirer.

His name is Vegas. In the morning, he hangs out on his balcony and waits until she comes out on her balcony. They are separated by a large abandoned one-level house, which will soon be torn down and turned into 6 outrageously priced condominiums.

He knows she's there cuz he can smell her. When she comes out on her balcony his nose twitches. As soon as he knows it's her, he stands up on his two hind legs, puts his two paws on the balcony rail. And stares. And stares. And stares. It's a little embarassing actually.

Pig is not particularly interested but she'll play cool. She pretends to be fascinated by the bbq grill, but after a while, she gets creeped out so she just stares back at him.

You can see she's thinking, "Take a picture, it'll last longer, asshole."

After a few minutes, Pig gets distracted by me opening the fridge/food cabinet/anything with a wrapper and comes running into the apartment.

Poor Vegas. If only he were a fridge/food cabinet/anything with a wrapper.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

When I Grow Up

So I just got back from a burlesque club, where several of Thode's friends had gathered to celebrate her birthday. It was awesome! Except for the bouncer, who looked like the love child of Clay Aiken and Gary Busey. Seriously, when I grow up, I want to be a burlesque dancer. Even if it requires working out seven days a week (how on earth do they shake their asses like that??? And their abs - good lord, their abs!). I'm pretty sure that right now there are at least 50 women mimicking these dancers in front of their bathroom mirrors across Los Angeles.

Also I got to meet Megan, whose blog I've been reading for awhile now. She is every bit as cool as she seems on her blog.

But anyway, back to the burlesque dancers. I could be one, right?

This kind of reminds me of how I thought it would be SO cool to be the hostess of a restaurant when I was little kid. Also a Playboy bunny, although I only thought that meant dressing up in a bunny costume.

Which I still think would be fun.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Boring Hump Day

So I really try to think of something to write about every day but today I got nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch. Zip. Haven't been at such a loss for words since my first post, probably.

Oh here's something. NannyKate, (she actually goes by kate g but I think of her as NannyKate) did this thing on her blog where she posted the first image that came up on google images after typing in her favorite food/place she grew up/first car/etc.

I found this amusing. When I typed in where I live, the following image came up (which is why it's SO exciting when a man actually notices me in my neighborhood):

Where I live, according to Google Images Posted by Hello

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

My Non-Missed Connection

Well, this was rather bizarre. Walking Pig to work this morning when a fairly handsome man pulls up in a shiny green Jaguar right next to me. He rolls down the window and at first I think he's going to ask me for directions but instead he says, "I drove by you and thought you were so attractive I had to turn around at the light and come say hi to you."

Okaaay. I'm pretty sure I had the "Who, me?" (turning around to see who else is there) look on my face cuz if you saw me today, you'd have to admit this is not one of my better days.

So he says his name is Cliff* and asks me mine. For a second I think he thinks I'm a hooker, but considering I'm walking a dalamatian, it's unlikely, as Pig would at the very least hinder my money-making potential if I were one.

So I tell him my name is Sarah, which is my "Starbucks" name.

He says something along the lines of "Nice to meet you. I just had to stop and talk to you. Do you think we could go out some time?"

And I tell him, "Oh thanks, that's sweet, but no. I have a boyfriend." (not to mention, I was told never to talk to strangers who pull up to you on the side of the street and try to offer you candy, er..a date.)

So he says, "Oh, okay" and I say "Thanks" again and continue walking (secretly terrified that he'll follow me all the way to the office and then murder me. And Pig.)

Anyway, that was my non-Missed Connection. (reference to Craigslist, for anyone who doesn't know what that means).

Best part is Julia's reaction to this story over IM, after we both agreed the Jag was probably a rental and the guy was just cruising:

Julia: that's such a funny story
Sareet: i know
Sareet: its' funny b/c it's really ridiculous
Sareet: b/c guys in jags don't stop random people ont hes treet
Julia: exactly
Julia: they usually ask for grey poupon

LOL. Anyway, be it creepy, I'm flattered. Guess that means I should skip my morning shower more often.

*name changed in case he is a Googler.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Maybelline Eye Shadow

Well apparently the Maybelline Eye Shadow color "Cofffee" makes me look I've been crying. All day long people have been asking me if I'm okay or if anything's wrong. Happened the last time I wore this color too, but I guess I didn't make the connection until just now.

Good grief. It's just my damn eye shadow, people.

Old Habits

Well, I'm officially behind in the required reading for my class. Guess the six non-studying years between graduating college and now really don't do much to change study habits. I spent some time Sunday reading two chapters but that only catches me up to last week's reading assignment. I don't know what happens but everytime I start to read a textbook, my finger nails look so damn gross that I have to start picking/gnawing at them. Then they get ragged and uneven. So then I have to get a nail file. And while I'm at it, I should just give myself a manicure. And since I got everything out already, a pedicure. Then something on tv catches my eye. Then my hair is in my face and I must put it up in something so I have to scrounge around for a hairband. And all the studying makes me hungry. I should just eat a piece of fruit but what I want is an elaborate six course meal so I start working on that. Big meal makes me sleepy. Maybe I should take a nap. After nap I call family and friends and chat because having a strong web of emotional support is an important part of staying healthy. Staying healthy means I'll be more alert in classes. And then it's too late to continue reading so I'll try the next morning before work/school. But of course I can't get up early because I really really like to sleep, so it has to wait until lunch. That's my goal this week. To do my homework assignment BEFORE Monday lunch, for my Monday night class. Which is what I've done for the last TWO weeks in a row.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Thai Elvises and Free Hot Dogs

So last night a whole bunch of us went out to celebrate Max and Lypstyk Girl's birthday. We started with dinner at Palms Thai which is this awesome Thai restaurant in Hollywood. Now, you know I'm the kind of a girl who likes a gimmick, and what better gimmick could there be than a Thai Elvis impersonator? That's right. Thai Elvis impersonator. He was very good, had the wig and glasses - my only complaint was not enough gyrating of the hips. There was another singer - a white guy who sang like Louis Armstrong and the BeeGees, so that was pretty impressive. He also sang a song in Thai, so you know that scored points with the Thai ladies; however, I think whipping out the Kermit puppet and singing The Rainbow Connection cost him some appeal. The food was very good and although Max wanted to order the deep fried frogs, he decided to try the "Giant Shrimp" instead. Now, we both thought this was just an exaggeration on the part of the owner and expected large prawns but no, they brought out these giant shrimp/lobster/crawfish type creatures. Very interesting. I wasn't a fan of the dish but Max liked it so it all worked out.

Afterwards we headed over to bar called Whitehorse. It's a very low key dive-y bar under a Super 8 motel, but it's cool. The owner/bartender is this older fiesty Russian woman who's awesome. She's been in the bar business for over forty years. At the end of the night, she gives everyone free hot dogs. That's right. Free hot dogs.

Friday, April 15, 2005

The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency

So I've been reading this book called "The NO. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency" which is quite good. It's much better written than a lot of the mystery books I read, and takes place in Africa so the whole world is really fresh and new for me. I tricked Max (okay, I didn't trick him but just asked him) into reading it out loud to me one night. I had already read a few pages so I knew what I was getting him into and these were some of the words he encountered in the first few pages:

Mma Ramotswe

Heehee. Funny.

Happy Birthday!!!!

Happy Birthday to Max and LypstykGirl!!!!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Bad News for my Mom, the real Dim Sum Diva

Click here

No seriously, am I on a reality show?

Well now this is getting ridiculous. Just went up to the front of the office to get my second cup of coffee and who is standing there but a FIRE INSPECTOR who's come to check out the building.

Gag's up. Where are the hidden cameras?

Oh My God

Okay, if someone is playing a joke on me (the likely case - and I know only one person remotely related to firemen so you know who you are and you are my main suspect), I must give them props. Check out the comments under my Firemen post.

If it's not a joke, who's coming with me & Pig???? ;)

Warning Signs

Indications that today may not be such a great day:

Spent 45 minutes trying to find something to wear, out of a closet 12 feet wide, and have finally settled on something that I. do. not. like. Plus I think the skirt is too small so it's hurting my stomach.

Practically at my car before realizing I had not brushed my teeth this morning.

Co-worker says to me, as I'm walking down the hall, "You're not used to wearing heels, are you?"

Co-worker 2 takes one look at me while I'm standing by the coffee machine and says, "Whoa, you need some coffee."

Help me.

American Idol

Well, I'm glad I didn't take up Thode's offer to go see tonight's taping of AI. I'm afraid I would have started bawling and that would have been embarassing. For Thode. For me. Hell, for Nadia.

Possibly for Scott as well, because when Ryan said he was safe I actually screamed "NOOOOOO!!!" out loud and buried my face into the sofa pillow.

Is it weird that I actually got teary-eyed watching it on tape (on tape because I had a fun dinner thing with old high school friends this evening and couldn't watch it on tv at the regularly scheduled time)??? Poor Nadia. Poor poor Nadia and her angry faces but sweet smile and mad style.

Dammit. I should have voted.

In a disturbing turn of events, I found Constantine bearable with his hair pulled back and dare I say it...vaguely appealing???? Has this been a case of the lady who doth protest too much?

Hmm...pondering.... pondering....pondering....(imagine a little hourglass icon spinning)

NOPE, sorry. Just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Smelly Pig

Smelly Pig, Smell-y Pig, what is Uncle Max feeding you???

Diarrhea Doodie ("Duty" - get it? haha I am SO juvenile!) at 6:00 a.m. this morning. Thank god we made it outdoors.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005


What is it about firemen that make them so HOT??????

Talking about it with some of my female co-workers on our way back from the Coffee Bean, where it seemed like the entire LAFD had decided to take a break.

One of them said hi to me. And made spending the extra ten minutes blow-drying my hair this morning totally worth it.

Homework Assignment #1

So yesterday I had to turn in my first homework assignment in years. Ended up being quite a fiasco, mainly because I didn't follow directions. I spent Monday lunchtime working on it (back to my old last minute habits) and could not keep it down to one page. Really - you can barely make an argument or get a thought across in one page. I actually ended up changing the font to make it fit, which made me feel really nostalgic. Ahh.. The good ole days of font and margin changing. But much to dismay, I discovered it was supposed to be DOUBLE SPACED! Crap. So I edited down, but just couldn't let go of the fact that I liked my single spaced version a lot better. But I didn't want to turn it in, in case the instructor would think I couldn't follow directions well. So rather than just turning in the double spaced one, I contemplated stapling both of them together. It'd be a pity to do all that work and not at least get some credit, be it fleetingly. But then that seemed a little too desperate.

As luck would have it, I ended up being late for class (long story of which moral is "always carry cash" and "parking lot cashiers will not buy your postage stamps in exchange for cash, even though they're worth 37 cents each") so I had to turn my assignment in during our little break and since the instructor was standing right there I just let him choose which one he wanted to read. And the nice thing was, he let me choose which one I wanted to submit, so of course I gave him the longer one.

So. Yes. I was VERY pleased with myself. Heh. It just goes to show you, if you ask, you can often get what you want. Except for money in exchange for stamps.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Thode's Experiment

Okay, per Thode's suggestion, I've listed what I did every 1/2 hr on Saturday morning, starting from when I woke up. It was actually a far busier day than I've had in a long time, on account of my brother (Theo) and his girlfriend (Justine) being in town, but it's still pretty boring to read. (I've given them fake names from the Cosby show because I don't know how they feel about being exposed to the wacky world of the internet).

7:30 a.m.
Pig groans in her bed. I ignore her and continue sleeping.

8:00 a.m.
Pig comes over to my bed, the first time in several weeks. She starts groaning really loudly, and pawing at my face, so I figure she must really have to go. She's about 1/2 an hour earlier than normal, but I decide that a dog with a urinary tract infection would be no fun, so I get up and take her out. We spend about 10 minutes cuddling first though.

8:30 a.m.
Drinking coffee and eating a cherry danish. I figure since Theo and Justine are on vacation, I may as well act as if I'm on vacation too and indulge in the too-sweet breakfast food. I think about how I had just vowed last night, after reading this month's Fitness Magazine, that I'd start eating healthy, but I decide that it'd be much easier to start after Theo and Justine leave on Sunday. They are slowly getting up.

9:00 a.m.
Still drinking coffee and eating. Surf on the internet a bit. Theo points out that we should start getting ready since it takes a while for the three of us to make it out of the apartment. So true.

9:30 a.m.
Shower, make-up, wet hair in half-hearted bun/pony-tail. I put on a new shirt I bought from Urban Outfitters the day before and, on account of all the danishes and lack of gym-going for the last six months, I hear a loud rip as I pull it on. Damn. It's a bit snug, and I've torn a thread somewhere, but it still looks okay so I just leave it on.

10:00 a.m.
Pig is looking anxious and following me around the apartment, complaining. I can tell she wants to go out for a walk, and since Theo has just gotten out of the shower, I figure we can go out for about 15 minutes while he gets ready. Pig and I head out down the street - it's a beautiful day.

10:30 a.m.
We're at Hugo's in West Hollywood. I look around for celebrities but don't see any. I order the same dish I always get, because variety is not the spice of life - familiarity is. But I do branch out and get the chai, which is rather bland. That's what I get for branching out.

11:00 a.m.
Still eating but finishing up.

11:30 a.m.
Drop Theo and Justine at LACMA. I arrange to pick them up in front of the tar pits at 1:00 p.m. I remind them not to get excited about the Tar Pits, which are really boring, and to watch out for the rats there.

12:00 a.m.
I'm at Pavillions (grocery store), picking up supplies for the bonfire we're having later that night. I send a butcher meat guy to look for the "stadium style" brats (I can see the price tags for them but can't find them). He tells me there aren't any more in the back so I settle for "beef" and "smoked."

12:30 a.m.
Back at home, fighting the urge to nap. Chat with Lypstyk Girl about the dinner I had last night and how I had to unbutton my jeans, and slide down into the seat to extend myself, as my jeans were way way way too tight and literally hurting me.

1:00 p.m.
Theo and Justine are at the corner of Curson and Wilshire, right on time. They hop into the car. I subject them to the songs I've recently downloaded on my mp3 player. We head towards Rodeo drive. Not a celebrity in sight, just tons of tourists.

1:30 p.m.
On our way to Malibu, on Sunset Blvd. I'm giving my very best tourguide impression - "On your left you'll see the campus of UCLA." "This is Brentwood. Where OJ lives." "See Bel-Air? That's right - the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air..."

2:00 p.m.
Enjoying lunch at Duke's. Justine and I are sharing fish tacos and ahi tuna. The view is spectacular and the ocean looks gorgeous. We make fun of a wind surfer who keeps falling down.

2:30 p.m.
Still eating.

3:00 p.m.
We're on our way to Santa Monica. We park in a parking structure and endure going down seven floors in the elevator. I explain to them why I think it smells the way it does - Homeless people pee in here and then parking structure janitors have to clean it with really strong cleaners that have a citrus scent to it. Thus the nasty pee-orange smell.

3:30 p.m.
Shopping on 3rd Street Promenade. Kettle Corn catches my eye and rather than buying a small bag, I buy a ridiculously large bag, on the grounds that I'll be sharing it with everyone.

4:00 p.m.
Still shopping.

4:30 p.m.
Heading towards Venice Beach. We give money to a man who appears to be the parking lot guard of a small lot behind a building - he's standing by a homemade sign that reads "Beach Parking $6" I remark on how funny it would be if this guy is just some random guy who "charges" people for a lot that he has nothing to do with.

5:00 p.m.
Browsing through super cheap flip flops. Get a call from Max, who tells me that he's stopped at four different places and can't find any firewood. Ugh. This sucks. And on account of that, he hasn't been able to get to Dockweiler beach early like he had planned, in order to stake out a pit.

5:30 p.m.
Max calls - he's found some firewood and is going to my apartment to walk Pig, mix up some rummy punch, and grab all our supplies. I reflect that it's nice he's doing all this. And decide to be helpful by going to Dockweiler now to get a pit. We get back to the car and notice that the parking lot guy is not there. His sign is gone too. Hmm. Interesting.

6:00 p.m.
We're at the Dockweiler! There used to be about 30 pits but now there's only about 10! And they're all taken! Theo is looking grumpy because he was the one stuck holding the lawn chairs. Justine looks worried. I am irritated. Plus my cellphone is nearly out of battery. Not good.

6:30 p.m.
More walking along the beach looking for pits. Luckily some of our friends have shown up so they, being gutsier than I am, ask some of the pits people if we can share and we get a few reluctant yesses. Finally, we get lucky and it turns out a family is leaving so we get their pit.

7:00 p.m
The guys help unload Max's car. The ladies are enjoying themselves by the empty pit. We eat kettle corn and think about how nice it is not to be the ones unloading the car.

7:30 p.m.
We spot the guys up on the hill by the cars. They are clearly debating. I can tell immediately that the debate is whether they should cut straight down the hill, which is very steep, or take the long way around. I know, just as immediately, that Max is the one voting to go straight down the hill. (which he later confirmed). Suddenly, one guys throws something down the hill. It's a bundle of wood! There goes another one! And another one! Then we watch them scamper straight down the hill along what appears to be a sewage pipe. We run towards them to help carry stuff.

8:00 p.m - 9:30 p.m.
Bonfiring through a sand storm. Damn, it's windy out here. The food is gritty and I'm convinced that when I smile, there's sand crusted along my gum line. But it's fun. Justine drops her hot dog in the sand, and despite me encouraging her to get another one, she decides to wash it off with our rummy punch. Me and Reggie decide to form a smores assembly line. Theo's new flipflops from Urban melt in slightly near the fire (damage discovered the next day).

9:30 p.m.
We pack up and head back to cars. We smell like smoke and are too exhausted to go out so we decide to "cruise" down Sunset Strip, just so Theo and Justine can see what it's like.

10:00 p.m.
Cruising down the strip. Not too crowded yet, as it's still early.

10:30 p.m.
Back to the apartment. Theo passes out on the couch. I get ready for bed and am too tired to even wash my feet, which are sandy and gross. I get into bed and struggle to watch the last ten minutes of a Three's Company episode where Jack has hidden money that an ATM spit out in a couch but Mr. Furley has accidentally sold the couch and the hijinks go on and on and on. Finally the episode is over (I have no idea why I was so determined to watch all of it) and I fall asleep immediately at 11:00 p.m.

So that's that.

Friday, April 08, 2005

It's Friday!!!!

So as I was applying make-up this morning I noticed that my eyelids and the area right under my eyes appear darker than the rest of my face. Could this be b/c I don't put sunblock on over my eyes??? I mean, when you put on lotion/sunblock, are you supposed to rub it over your entire face, eye lids included???? Because I wear contacts and I'm always afraid the lotion will smear my vision.

Really, they should have better instructions on the bottle. When they say"avoid area around the eyes," I listen. Now I just look tired, when I actually feel totally fine.

Picked up my brother and his girlfriend from the airport last night. They are so excited to be here - it makes me excited. Sometimes it takes tourists to remind you how fun L.A. can be. I'm hoping the city will provide them with a few celebrity sightings. No trip to L.A. is complete without at least one minor celebrity sighting, even if it's just one of the judges from The Practice.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Pig: The Drama Queen

My dog is a big faker. For months now, I've been stressing out over her nails, thinking that she was absolutely terrified of getting them cut. I almost bought a Dremel sander thing so I could sand down her nails instead of clipping them. But today, I decided we should really give it another try. So I took her to Petco. She was a maniac - I had to put her in a body hold and she kept bucking and freaking out as the woman tried to cut her nails. She was only able to do about five so I decided that I should go buy some cookies to distract Pig. Well, while I was waiting in line, the Nail Cutter Lady came out with Pig, smiling. Apparently, as soon as I left, Pig was totally fine and she was able to clip all her nails without any problems. Pig didn't buck, cry, whine or anything. In fact, Nail Cutter Lady just held Pig's paw in her hand. She said, "I think she babies herself when you're around."

Hmph. This just makes me wonder what else she's faking.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Poor Nikko

Oh man. More yelling at the tv tonight. Nikko - not the best singer, but I did enjoy his outfits. And the way he dances. He makes me laugh. Actually, just his dancing makes me laugh. Can't believe that Vonzell was actually in bottom. Crap. This means I might actually have to start voting. I'm just glad that they didn't interview Constantine. IMO, the less screen time, the better. Even watching the replay of his performance last night incited gagging noises from me.

Anyway, my brother and his girlfriend are coming in town tomorrow night. Have to clean now and make sure the place is in respectable shape. Too bad Pig is not in great shape. She's developed sores on her skin - suspiciously near where Max highlighted her head with a flourescent marker. Grrr. I'd be angrier except I think she got one or two before he highlighted her head so it's probably unrelated.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

A.I. Thoughts

For me, watching American Idol is like watching a sports game for other people. Once a week, Max gets a taste of what it's like to be the "girlfriend" watching her "boyfriend" hurl lurid insults at the tv screen, raise her fists threateningly and stomp around yelling, "What are you thinking?????" I take my AI watching very seriously. I don't make or take any phone calls except for during commercials. The volume must be on as high as possible and I'll "shush" anyone who makes a noise during the actual show. And I really do get angry. Especially this season. No once inspires more cursing and groaning from me this season than Constantine. I'm sorry but all that eyefucking and pouting is really giving me the creeps. Only one word comes to mind when I think of Constanine: Poseur. Yeah right that guy was a rocker. I really like how someone on one of the numerous AI forums described him. Constantine: G(r)eek Tragedy. Hahah. He's probably a fine enough person in real life - I just really hate his screen persona.

My personal favorites are Vonzell and Nadia. Vonzell because she's really cute and energetic and fun and probably the type of person I'd like to be, if I weren't so busy yelling at the tv and being mean on my blog. Nadia because - well, she's kind of grown on me. I've even gotten past the angry faces she makes when she sings. She probably a really sweet person and man, that girl's got mad style. Love her hair and clothes.

And I apologize in advance...but I do like the American version of The Office. There, I've said it. On record. Yes, I like it. I even almost like it more, because I don't have to struggle to understand the British accents.

(bracing myself for hate "comments"...)

New Kid at School

So I went to my first non-gym related post-college class last night. It's been so long that I actually had to ask Julia whether I was allowed to eat and drink in class. She reminded me that I could, but best to avoid items wrapped in crinkly paper.

I have 22 other classmates of whom 20 are international students. We had to go around the room and say our names, where we're from, and where we live now. There were only three of us from the U.S. but I thought it sounded cheezy to say "I'm from the United States" so I just said I was from Michigan. That seemed good enough. I guess the whole point was to try to remember who lives close to you so that we could form groups of six for the final presentation. My immediate thought was - UGH, GROSS. I HATE TEAMWORK. I really do. Kate does too and we suspect that it's because our parents sent us to Montessorri private schools where they emphasize individuality and being personally responsible for all your own work so basically teamwork just makes us anxious because now you got to trust the other guys to do your work and really, you could do it by yourself - BETTER THAN ALL OF THEM, of course.

Anyway, I was really nervous because it turned out that the two idiots sitting behind me lived closest to me. Of course. There was one guy in particular who was really bad, who I'll refer to as "WCA" aka the "Wilshire Corridor Asswipe." He was such a stupid obnoxious know-it-all, who had really no idea what the hell he was talking about. Case in point, the instructor started to talk about about "research" and I could hear him mutter, "uh huh, yep, R & D, research and development." And then the teacher asked a question and WCA suddenly shouts out "DEVELOPMENT!" even though it had nothing to do with the question and even less to do with the answer. I wish I could explain to you how far off base that was. Also, he was the only one who went on and on about where he went to school and how many degrees he had, blah blah blah, when we introduced ourselves. And he and the other asswipe kept giggling and laughing through the entire three hour class. Yes. Three hours. Nonstop snickering. And the very first thing he did as he walked out the class room door - not even the building door, mind you - was light up a CIGAR. Ass.Wipe.

So anyway, when it came time to form groups and WCA was asking around the room who lived in the nearby area I kept my mouth shut. Yup. No way in hell was I gonna get stuck in the same group with WCA. So now I've joined the West LA Group. It'll be a bit more of drive for me, but hopefully we can just meet before or after class on campus. I can't remember their names but there's the Lebanese Guy, the Brazilian Girl, the Thai Girl, the Portuguese/French Girl, and the Girl with Purple Hair. And me. The Chinese Anal Retentive Montessori Schooled Goody Two Shoes Teacher's Pet Nerdy Girl from Michigan. Seriously. The second I walked in, I had to fight the urge to raise my hand to answer every. single. question. And sit in the front row. I suddenly morphed into Reese Witherspoon from Election. Minus the loafers of course.

Monday, April 04, 2005

The Horror, the Horror...

Oh the shame. Max just sent an email out listing everyone's scores in the NCAA pool and I've actually come in LAST PLACE. Argh. I hate being worst at something. I don't mind being second worst...but WORST...is the WORST. Am flashing back to middle school where I was nearly always the last kid picked in gym class. Even the girl with the huge dental head brace thing that everyone made fun of got picked before me. Even the mildly retarded kid who ate his own boogers got picked before me. It's so cruel, the way gym teachers do it. I always much preferred counting heads instead, although that would often incite loud groans from my would-be teammates when they discovered I'd be on their team. Crappy kids. I hope they've all grown up to be fat and out-of-shape.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Happy Hygiene!!!!

I've really got to polish up on my Chinese. These last few days have been full of blunders and misunderstandings. The worst was today when in my attempt to sing "Happy Birthday" to my mom in Mandarin (I'm really only fluent in Cantonese) I actually sang "Happy Hygiene to you...Happy Hygiene to you..."

Anyway, today is mom's birthday. Also, I think Elliot's birthday, although hers might be on the first - I'm not quite sure but happy birthday to both anyway!

The Chinese Costanzas were fairly well behaved today, although I discovered that while they each have a cell phone, it's really best not to call them on it. My grandpa's has a sticker of an American flag on it (so patriotic!) and he wears it around his neck on a big cellphone necklace. However, he never seems to be able to answer it when it rings, and he'll always ask someone to get it, especially while he's driving. Yesterday, my mother had the misfortune of sitting in the passenger seat and nearly pulled a neck muscle trying to answer the phone while my grandpa kept panicking - "Answer the phone! Answer the phone!"

My grandma is no better. First she keeps it in a tiny cell phone pouch. You may wonder to yourself "Why?'" but ...why ask why? So anyway, she has it in a tiny beige cell phone pouch but she's afraid the phone will slip out of the pouch, so she's knotted the drawstrings of the tiny pouch multiple times. Meaning multiple knots. Meaning, callers hang up before she ever manages to find the pouch in her purse, pull it out, untie the million knots, and answer the phone.

Anyway, getting sleepy. Driving back to LA tomorrow so I need to get a good night sleep.

Fall forward, spring back peeps.

(just so I don't mess up everyone's lives, really it's fall back spring forward.)

(although, if you think about it, it's totally possible to fall forward and spring back so it's sort of stupid saying)

Friday, April 01, 2005

The Chinese Costanzas

So I drove up to San Francisco with Pig yesterday. Mom is in town for her big 50th birthday, so I decided to take the opportunity to skip work for two days and drive up. The trip was
uneventful as usual, but luckily I had borrowed Death of a Cad by M.C. Beaton from the library so that kept me occupied for a bit. Tape version, of course, as driving six hours while reading would have been slightly dangerous.

Highlights of my visit/Interesting things I've learned so far:

My grandma washes her hair in the sink as she suspects washing her hair in the shower will somehow suffocate her. Apparently she's done this for the last 72 years of her life...yet somehow I've never noticed.

My grandpa has no idea what the coach seating is like on a 747 but is thoroughly familiar with the arrangement of the seating in business class. So much so that this morning, while deciding whether or not he wanted to fly business on an upcoming trip, he actually pulled out a piece of paper and drew a diagram of the plane. And apparently, there are only a total of 8 desirable seats in business class: 7ABFG, 8ABFG. The other ones are either too close to the door, too close to the bathroom, or too close to the kitchen.

My mother can eat cake AND left over deep fried crab for BREAKFAST.

My grandma is not the one who likes chicken pot pie; it's my grandpa. And under no cirumstance should he ever suggest that we buy chicken pot pie b/c "Grandma" likes it...This is an offense of the highest nature and will result in an immediate fight. And subsequently, no chicken pot pie for anyone.

Under no circumstance should my grandpa "shoo" my grandma into the dinner seat by the wall. She is not to be "shooed" anywhere.

And the list goes on...more to come tomorrow.