Story Time

Today, while I was walking Pig to work after lunch, she stopped to poop in some bushes in front of a very expensive fashion designer boutique place. Also, at a fairly busy intersection.

First she pooped green poop, on account of a treat that I gave her. But that's besides the point. The point is that I need to cut my hair. Because she apparently ate a piece of my hair. When she pooped, half of the hair was still stuck in her ass, and the other half hung between her legs, with a large piece of green poop dangling at the end of it. Every time she moved, the poop would swing around. Like a shit pendulum.

Now, Pig is no...pig. She had no intention of walking around Beverly Hills with green poop dangling out of her ass. So, first she tried to poop the rest of the hair out. No luck. Then, in a fit of rage, she collapsed onto the sidewalk and tried to pull it out WITH HER MOUTH. Meanwhile, I was freaking out because that's just totally gross. I had to keep pulling her up so that she couldn't eat her own poop. Then she tried to wipe her butt on the sidewalk, to no avail.

Finally, I gave up, made a makeshift plastic baggie glove, squatted down, and proceeded to try to grab the swinging poop. At last I succeeded, but unfortunately, I could still see the hair stuck in her butt. So then I HAD TO GRAB MY OWN HAIR OUT OF MY DOG'S ASS. Lovely.

Thankfully, I managed to do it, but then I noticed that there was a huge hole in my plastic baggie and I got shit all over my hand. EWWWWWW. So we ran all the way to the nearest garbage can, with me holding the bag of shit as far away from me as possible. I flung the bag into the can, just as the poop came flying out, landing on the side of the can. And because I'm a bad person, I just left if there.

The end.

Weekend Recap

Wowee. Work haz been crazee buzee. I didn't even notice that I didn't post on Friday until just now. Friday was pretty stressful. Had a ton of work and had to leave early to go to this restaurant called Saddle Peak Lodge to celebrate Max and my four year anniversary. FOUR YEARS!! That's a really long time. Anyway, we had to leave my office at 6 p.m. to make the 8 p.m. reservation we had made. Now, this restaurant is about half an hour away under normal driving circumstances, but with the rains and it being Friday afternoon, traffic was ridiculous. Max had read about this restaurant in Newsweek (and to clarify Julia, Jeremy did not write the review for Newsweek, he just wrote about it here). The restaurant specializes in big-game so Max tried the roasted elk tenderloin and I had pheasant. The pheasant was really good, but the elk was a bit too gamey for me, so I'm glad Max was the one who ordered it. Very romantic place, nestled in the Santa Monica mountains and we had a great time. I think it was a bit over-priced (we ordered a shrimp appetizer that cost nearly $20 for THREE shrimps) but I'm really glad we went.

Saturday we hung around the apartment and watched tv. Oh and we watched THE VILLAGE, which I thought was pretty terrible. And predictable. Max was good and went to the gym while I took a three hour nap on the loveseat. Really, I'm just not short enough to fit comfortably on a loveseat. Not for three hours, at least. Anyway, afterwards, we went to play poker at Dan's place. I won the first game and won me $60! Sweet. The pot was really $80, but we decided second place should get their buy-in plus ten. Max made a killer comeback and almost won the second game, but Dan managed to beat him.

Sunday. More sleeping too long on small pieces of furniture. We got back really late Saturday night from poker so after walking Pig and eating breakfast, I took a two hour nap on this green chair I have. It's very comfy, but again, not comfy enough for a super long nap. Seriously - I'd like think I'm sore from all the exercising but I suspect it's really from sleeping in all these weird positions.

Speaking of exercise, I seem to have slipped off my cardio calendar. Went to the gym MTW, took TH off, per the calendar, was supposed to go back on Friday but got home late (went to a script reading TH night) so I skipped Friday. Logical thing was to make it up on Saturday, but um, I skipped Saturday as well so while I was at it, I decided to skip Sunday and since I had a hard time getting up this morning, I skipped today as well. Not good. I think it's going to take more than four weeks for me to get through this four week cardio calendar schedule.

Project Runway Finale

Good grief - Wendy's collection was truly god-awful. Blech. Blech. Blech. She was every bit as weird and evil and smirky as the previous episodes so I'm really glad she didn't win. Not that she even had a shot, let's face it. Plus, I just hate it when reality show contestants play up their relationships with their children. Maybe it's genuine, but still, kids should not be used as props. (Found Fantasia highly guilty of this during last year's season of America Idol)

I was originally rooting for Cara Saun, but she got too bitchy for me in this finale episode so I found myself rooting for Jay. And after seeing both their collections, I definitely think that Jay deserves to be the winner. His clothes were awesome - unique, great colors, terrific textures and there really seemed to be a theme to them. Cara's were beautiful, but somehow vaguely familiar. The judges seemed to think it looked too Gucci - Now, I don't know Gucci from my own ass crack, but I've flipped through an occasional Vogue and I can see where they're coming from.

So, no more Project Runway. :( At least American Idol is on three days a week now.

Gym Etiquette

So, I know I'm not covering any new ground here by talking about "gym etiquette" (surely there's a Seinfeld episode out there, right?) but is it rude if you're jogging on a treadmill, and Large Smelly Guy suddenly steps up on the treadmill next to you, and you're panting pretty hard because you've been jogging for awhile, thinking about the UNTITLED KATE & SAREET NOVEL and then LSG's smell starts wafting over and you're just breathing in millions of smelly molecules with every pant and you want to move over to another treadmill - but is it rude to?

Also, suppose you're lifting dumbells by a bench and you want to sit down and use the bench but it's being used by someone but then he gets up and he's left sweat on the bench, and he's clearly not wiping it up, but he's still standing by the bench - is it rude to ask him to wipe his sweat off the bench?

Is it rude to glare nastily at the woman who's picking at her calloused feet during Pilates?

Can you get away with removing a wedgie if you're running on a treadmill that is located in the middle of all the treadmills (people running on treadmills directly behind you)? What are the chances that someone will see you pick your ass?

Thoughts on a hump day.

Hump Day

Just got out of our weekly staff meeting, which lasted two hours. At one point, after my boss suggested that I contact a former client, I actually groaned, put my head down on the conference table and THREATENED TO VOMIT if he made me call this guy.

Nice. Real mature. Next time, I'm going to start a food fight.

Weekend Recap

Word of the day: KEANU

Forgot about my lurve for Keanu until last night when I saw him in CONSTANTINE. Max and I had the misfortune of getting stuck in the second row of the theater so all that my eyes could take in for two hours was a gigantic Keanu. Dreamy. Liked CONSTANTINE although I'm confused by some parts so if you've seen the movie, let me know, so I can ask you annoying questions about it. And I think his acting is fine in this movie, although apparently others disagree.

I really hope the office computer guy doesn't discover the little Keanu Interview film clips I've downloaded on to my computer this morning.

So anyway, on to the recap. It's been raining like crazy so basically I was stuck indoors for my three day weekend.

Friday night I discovered Pig is afraid of thunderstorms and lightening. Like seriously afraid. She woke me up in the middle of the night and kept running around the bedroom, trying to find a "safe place" like a mad Goldilocks. GoldiPig. Heh. Actually Max called her Tazmanian Pig for the rest of the weekend. Anyway, places she tried out included: my bed, my armchair, in my nightstand table, between my nightstand table and my bed, the bathroom, the closet, the tiny tiny space between the closet and some spare suitcases. Rough night for all of us.

Saturday night Max and I had some friends over. We were supposed to play Risk, but unfortunately it didn't happen. I don't know why - I kept bringing it up - but it seemed like people had changed their minds from when they said "Yes, I'll come over to play Risk" to when they actually showed up. But it ended up being a really fun night, despite the lack of Risk. We just hung around and chatted. And oh yeah, Plumb (Kate's boyfriend) reminded me that I should mention on my blog that Pig is totally fine and not going up the stairs funny anymore. So yes, Pig is totally fine and healthy.

Sunday. Hmm. Sunday. I don't think I did anything on Sunday. Amol tried to get a poker game going but couldn't round up enough players. Max and I just sat around the apartment and watched tv. I think there was a lot of college basketball on tv so I mainly finished reading the cat murder mystery books Max's grandma lent me. I'm embarassed to say I really like them and now want to go out and buy all 75 remaining ones in the series.

Oh I remember Sunday now. Saturday night Kate and I had decided to write a novel together. It's currently titled the UNTITLED KATE AND SAREET NOVEL PROJECT THAT WILL MAKE THEM MILLIONAIRES SO THAT NEITHER WILL EVER HAVE TO WORK AGAIN. So Kate and I spent some time on Sunday talking about it.

The biggest event over the 3 day weekend was my return to the Gym. Ugh. Yuck. There was a whole "cardio calendar" exercise schedule in my fitness magazine this month and I have vowed to stay on it. I'm crossing an X through every day so right now, I have 2 large Xs. Only 18 more to go for the rest of the month!

I'm going to treat myself to a massage at a nice spa if I can make it all the way through the schedule. Hopefully, I'll get some hunky male masseuse named Sven. Better yet, a hunky male masseuse who looks like...Keanu.

Project Runway

Am so so so in love with Project Runway. Fashion designers are awesomely bitchy. This show just brings out the gladiator-watcher instinct in me. Can't wait for next week's episode - Wendy Peppers is SO going down!

Oh man...just discovered Project Runway apparel.

http://projectrunway.shopthescene.com/index.php?v=All&g=1

Poll Time

I'd like to take an informal poll. Please please humor me if you can/are bored and settle this debate for Max and me.

Is it gross to wash Pig's towels (the ones that she cuddles with in her bed, and the ones that I dry her with after her bath) in the same load as the rest of the laundry (underwear, clothes, people bath towels)?

Stupid Day

Today has been a very stupid day.

It is actually a Hump/Fleece (PMS) Day, but per my 2005 Resolutions, I am not wearing fleece.

Which at this moment, seems like an awfully stupid resolution.

Flipflopper

Damn. Just noticed that after walking Pig at lunch today, I forgot to change back into work dress shoes. Am wearing $2 green flipflops at the office right now. Not good.

Valentine's Day Dinner

Usually, Max makes V-day dinner (we never go out, because our anniversary is on 2/24 and we go out then) but this year I decided I wanted to give it try. I was going to make him prime rib, asparagus and mashed potatoes. Bought some wine and even a bottle of bubbly. Was going to be awesome.

But I forgot to buy milk for the mashed potatoes so we had to have couscous instead. And I didn't end up cooking the asparagus because after the half bottle of wine I had while waiting for the roast to be done, I got bored of cooking and didn't feel like making asparagus either. I also forgot to buy dessert. And horse radish. And crackers for the leftover brie (from the Superbowl party - yes, someone actually brought brie to a Superbowl party), which was supposed to be the appetizer.

But turns out, on his way over, Max picked up toilet paper (which even though I've been to three grocery stores over the weekend, I still managed to forget to buy any), horse radish, bagel chip crackers and chocolate truffles. Without me even asking. Awww. He also helped me cook the roast, because I got sick of sticking a meat thermometer in it every 15 minutes, and was the one who sliced it since the electric knife made me nervous. So V-day dinner turned out awesome...

Mail from my Grandpa

Funny observation. He uses a return address label that has a picture of Ziggy on it. I'm pretty sure he has no idea who Ziggy is, so I'm wondering how he happened to choose a label with the cartoon drawing of a short bald big-nosed man wearing only a yellow shirt - no pants, no shoes.

Weekend Recap

Wow. What a weekend. Max went off to Mexico with some of his friends, so I spent much of the weekend on the couch in front of the tv. Oh, and I got involved in some very very minor "criminal" activities (of the middle school juvenile delinquent sort), which I will not describe on this blog, since my family reads it. I will only say that technically, I didn't do anything...and no one got hurt. :) And that it was really really funny.

So last night, I was trying to recount to Max all the tv I watched while he was gone, and since I like to list things, I'm going to list them here. The scary thing is, I'm sure this is not a complete list - scary thing being that I can sit there and watch something and have no recollection of it at all.

Things I watched over the weekend:
Dinner with Friends
E! True Story: Whitney Houston & Bobby Brown
X-files (1 eps)
I Love Lucy (2 eps)
Murder at 1600
Something to Talk About
Alex & Emma (second half)
Speed 2 (first half)
Project Runway (1 eps)
Law & Order SVU (1 eps)
Golden Girls (2 eps)
Simpsons (1 eps)
Law & Order C.I. (1/2 eps)
Desperate Housewives (1/2 eps)
Boston Legal (1 eps)
That 70's show (1 eps)

So, about 20 hours of tv. Good lord.

Oh and the other funny non-illegal thing that happened was that I took Pig to Century City Mall, which is this great outdoor mall. You can actually walk your dog into the stores so Pig got to check out the Gap, Banana Republic, Bloomies and a few other stores. Of course, every other person stopped to pet her, so we didn't make much progress. The best part was watching her on the escalators. Man, those things freaked her out and she tried to run away from them. She had no idea what to do, so on the up escalators, she just ran up really really fast. On the down escalators, she sort of stood there but as she descended, she would sort of squat/crouch back real low so that her belly was touching the step. Very amusing.

Happy Valentine's Day

Just got the roses Max had delivered to my office. Awww. They're beautiful. I was actually really surprised - I didn't think he'd have them sent to the office, so as I was walking up to the reception area, I kept wondering who sent me flowers. My boyfriend, of course. Duh.

Chinese Grandmas

So I finally broke my non-winning streak at poker last night and won! Whoo hoo! $60, peeps ($50, if you don't count my buy-in). Not a huge pot, but I've made up for...oh...only the last two weeks of poker game buy-ins. Damn. Should stop playing so frequently.

Called my over 90 year old grandma in Hong Kong the other day to wish her Happy New Year. Turned out to be a much more complicated ordeal than I thought it would be. First, I didn't want to use the office line cuz I didn't want to get yelled at, or stuck with a really big bill, if that's what it costs. But I couldn't call from home either, since I only have a cell phone. So I had to go get a calling card, but I couldn't find one with international rates listed so I just bought one for 100 domestic minutes, figuring that I should get at least 15 international minutes out of it and that should be good enough.

So I called up, and it turns out I get only 8 minutes, which is not a lot, but should have been enough. I called her at her nursing home, but forgot that usually the other inmates (hmm...not the right word...) the other residents, that is, usually pick up the phone, which is located in the rec room. So some old lady, who was pretty hard of hearing, picked up and I shouted in Chinese "ROOM 18, POON WAI BING!!!" Which means, obviously, "I'm looking for Poon Wai Bing in Room 18." She said, "HUH? WHO?" and I shouted "ROOM 18, POON WAI BING!" and she said "ROOM 18? YING?? I don't think there is a "Ying" around here." I heard her asking the other old ladies if there was a "Ying" in Room 18. And I shouted"NO, BING! BING! POON WAI BING! IN ROOM 18!"

Let me just remind you that I'm at the office while I'm shouting this.

And then the old lady said "YING? I don't think there' s a "Ying". Let me check" And then she dropped the phone and I heard her shuffle around asking for a "Ying." Finally she got back to me and said "No, there's no "Ying" here." And then I said, "POON WAI BING!! BING!! NOT YING!! BING!!" And then she said "TSING??? Tsing?? In room 18? I don't think there's a "Tsing" in Room 18." Then I heard her asking all the other ladies around if there was a "Tsing" in Room. 18. And then she said "Hold on, let me go look."

And then, I did something awful. I just hung up on her. Because I had already killed four minutes out of the eight that I had on my calling card, and I still didn't have my grandma on the phone. And Chinese is not like English - I couldn't tell her it was "BING, like B as in Boy!" And the only word I could think of that sounds like Bing means "Ice" in Chinese and I'm pretty sure my grandma's name isn't "Ice" and anyway it would just confuse the old lady some more because then she'd think I was calling to order ice or something.

So I called my dad up instead, told him gruffily to call grandma and get her on the damn phone and have her wait there, and then to call me back once he knew she was by the phone. So finally I did get to talk to my grandma, and wished her "GONG HAI FAHT CHOI!" and had a nice loud four minute chat with her.

I'm sure my co-workers think I'm insane.

So then I called my other grandma, who lives in San Francisco to wish her "Gong Hai Faht Choi!" to which she replied "Gong Hai Faht Choi! When are you getting married? You need to hurry up and have kids."

Too Good to be True

oh please please please tell me this isn't a hoax.

Chris Noth - back on Law & Order (C.I., but still...)!!!!

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

Well, I am such a lousy Chinese person that I actually did not realize today is Chinese New Year until yesterday. Found out from my dad, who reminded me I should go out and eat fish and shrimp because it's good luck to eat seafood on New Year's Day. I figure that's a much nicer tradition than being hungover and watching the Rose Bowl, so Max and I will probably go have sushi tonight. But sushi is Japanese, you say. Well, yes. But again, being a lousy Chinese person, I don't know of a lot of good authentic Chinese restaurants close by, and besides, I really don't even know how to order authentic Chinese food and would probably end up getting something crappy like the Egg Foo Young (for you "whiteys," no, that's not authentic...nor is the "poo poo platter"...nor the "chop suey," which is just a big practical joke we Chinese are playing on you because it means chopped up ends of vegetables - the garbagey leftover parts we don't want to eat and are shoving off to you.) Anyway, I figure sushi counts so that's what we'll be having tonight.

Yesterday night my mother called me, hysterical, and said "QUICK!!! WRITE THIS NUMBER DOWN!" So I immediately did, not knowing at all what was going on. Then she screamed "IF YOU CALL IT RIGHT NOW, YOU'LL GET MONEY!!" Holy crap. What the hell??? I'm thinking it's some crazy radio call-in lotto thing but as it turns out it is the number to Aunt Laura's cell phone. Apparently, Aunt Laura said that anyone who called her to wish her a Happy New Year would get lucky money. If you've never gotten lucky money before, it means you're not Chinese. Hehe. Basically, the tradition is that upon being wished a happy new year by a younger person, the elder (by at least a generation, I think) has to give them money that comes in these little red envelopes. I suppose they call it "lucky" because, hell, when else would saying "Happy New Year" get you money? Then my mom screamed "CALL HER RIGHT NOW!!! TELL MAX TO CALL HER TOO!! AND TELL MAX TO CALL ME TOO!! - BUT HE HAS TO SAY HAPPY NEW YEAR IN CHINESE!!!" Aha. Herein lies the catch. Here, we have an explaination for the hysterical-ness. Nothing makes my mom happier than 1.) making Max eat weird Chinese food like jellyfish and watching him squirm while he pretends to like it 2.) making Max speak Chinese. This is hilarious to my mom. HILARIOUS. Really. Not kidding.

So I called up my Aunt Laura to say what basically sounds like, "Gong Hai Faht Choi, Say-Ai-Yee! " Which means, "Happy New Year, Aunt Laura!" She laughed and said she'd be mailing me cash. Excellent. So then I called Max and told him to do same. Since Max is currently on unemployment, he was happy to oblige. Max and I had a five minute Who's-on-First type conversation because I kept saying "Say, say-ai-yee" and it got very confusing because he couldn't tell if I was speaking English and stuttering or if I was trying to tell him what the Chinese words were. Haha. And for some reason, my mother insisted that he had to address my Aunt Laura as Aunt Laura so I guess he did. Next he called my mom, but I thought it would be way way way too freaky for all three of us if he addressed her as "Mom" so instead he just said "Gong Hai Faht Choi." And my mom laughed (because it's funny when Max speaks Chinese!) and said she'd be sending him some money.

So anyway, GONG HAI FAHT CHOI!!!

I accept lucky money in the form of cash, check or paypal.

Popeye's Fried Chicken

Just wanted to note that there actually is a limit to how many consecutive meals of Popeye's I can stomach. That limit would be six. I've had six consecutive meals of Popeye's in the last 48 hours. Sunday lunch, Sunday dinner, Monday Morning 2:00 a.m. snack, Monday breakfast, Monday lunch, and Monday dinner.

2005 Resolutions - February Update

So, I was going to do this on Feb. 1st, but didn't get around to it. Wanted to take a minute to reflect on the "resolutions" (so sad, I actually put them in quotation marks) I made this year and my progress on them. Figured this was as good a place as any to take stock of what I have been able to do, and what I haven't. Maybe it'll serve as motivation. I'm going to rate myself accordingly:

E= Excellent. Completed.
VG=Very Good. Not quite all the way there but almost.
OK=Ok. Right down the middle
NSG=Not So Good.
NAM=No Attempt Made.

Okay, here it goes:

2005 Resolutions

PHYSICAL HEALTH:
- Floss my teeth six days out of seven each week....okay fine, floss my teeth daily.
NSG. Have probably flossed an average of 2x per week. Yuck. I know.

- End exercise hiatus and get back to the gym.
NSG. Went to the gym 6x this whole month. Went hiking twice.

- Take my vitamins every day and drink more water.
NSG. Only took my vitamins about 5 times this month. And am most definitely not drinking enough water.

MENTAL/EMOTIONAL HEALTH:
-Watch less tv.
NAM. Was in fact, thinking of getting Tivo...

-Travel - take short trips and take one out-of-country trip
OK. Have seriously been thinking about sailing trip in Greece and possibly London/Paris with my aunt.

-Learn...stuff. By taking classes and reading more.
NAM

-Volunteer
NAM

-Set up a tithe-ing plan and donate money regularly to a cause I support
NAM

FINANCIAL HEALTH:
-Get to work earlier and spend my time more productively at work
NAM

-Dress more appropriately for work. No more fleece at the office, even on hump days.
NSG. Have not been wearing fleece to work, but am currently wearing Diesel sneakers - not very professional

-Network more
NAM

-Stay on the budget that I made
NSG. Have tried, and failed.

Here are Pig's resolutions for 2005:
1.) Take a long walk (at least 1/2 hr) each day and/or go to the dog park.
NSG, although rain and injury was a factor

2.) Brush teeth every other day. Okay fine, brush teeth every day.
NSG. Only brushed teeth about four times this month.

3.) Brush fur once a week.
NAM. Have been too lazy to vaccuum after fur brushing.


So okay. Considering the fact that the best rating I gave myself was an "OK" for travel, I would have to give myself an overall score of SHITTY. Ugh. That's bad. Well, hopefully it'll be better next month.

I WON ME A BITCH!!!

Well, as you all probably know by now, Patriots won the Super Bowl (yay!) , which means I've won the bet and am oodles smarter than Max when it comes to football. Also means, he gets to be my bitch for a day. I'm open to any suggestions you guys may have on what I should do with my bitch. My original intent was to have Wimmin's Poker Night at my place and dress him up as a woman and have him serve the other ladies drinks and hors d'oevres. AD suggested I dress him up as a transvestite streetwalker and make him hang out at the corner of Highland and Santa Monica on a Friday night. Which is tempting. Regardless, everyone at the party was begging to know (and witness) any public humiliation I come up with, so I'm taking suggestions.

By the way, Max and I both ate Popeye's for breakfast this morning. Ewww but so good.

Friday Friday Friday

So, yesterday was the first day of no blogging for me in a long long time. Actually had a very busy day at the office so no playing around on the computer.

Let's see. Played poker Wednesday night at Jessie's. Didn't win, but it's okay. Had a good time and brought over a bottle of plum wine. Yum. Only $5 at Pavillions! I love plum wine. Thode and I decided it would go great with vodka, so we'll have to give that a try - maybe at the next poker game. Wonder if that's a drink already - like a plumtini.

Pig is markedly better. Yay! It was clear yesterday that she was sick of the whole no-walking-rest-at-home thing as she dragged me all around the neighborhood. This morning, she actually kind of ran up the stairs so I think she's going to be fine. She smells though, and I'm going to have to give her a bath before people come over for Super Bowl Sunday. Nobody likes a smelly dog. Am really excited about the game on Sunday. Actually, am more excited about the Popeye's chicken. I'm planning to eat the equivalent of a whole chicken. And several biscuits.

Subject to Ponder on over the Weekend

When was toilet paper invented? And more importantly, what did people use before it???

Cowering in the corner of my office

GOOD GRIEF.

Just watched the 1-2 step Ciara video online.

1-2 Step

So I called my sister. Apparently "milkshake" has multiple naughty meanings, everything from body parts to ahem, certain acts, but in that song it DEFINITELY does not mean ice cream and milk in a blender. I suppose it would have been evident to anyone who's seen the video, which Alissa described in detail. Something about cherries and whipcream. Alas, I have not watched MTV since...well...since never, which accounts for my total lack of pop culture knowledge. I agree with Elliot - why do they have to take something nice and innocent and turn it into something sexual? I like milkshakes - the icecream and milk in a blender kind. Now I'll feel weird ordering one at McDonald's.

So I called my mom yesterday after seeing Alissa's comment about Mom teaching her how to 1-2 step. And body roll. Ewwww. My mom is cute, but I really don't ever want to see her body roll. Mom apparently loves the 1-2 step music video and told me she wants to buy it so she can learn the entire dance. She actually told me to watch MTV and catch the video because "Ciara - she's really good! You should really to try to catch it!" She then proceeded to describe to me how when Ciara dances, she bounces her butt up and down in theair. So immediately, the image of my mother dancing with her ass bouncing in the air came to mind. BLEEEEECCCCCHHHHH. I guess Mom really likes the song - she says she likes the beat. I had a whole conversation with her about whether the singer's name was Ciara, because for some reason I thought it was Cicero, but to my dismay, after 3.7 seconds on google, I discovered my mom was RIGHT. It is Ciara.

I'm afraid to ask her if she knows what milkshake means...

Edited to add: When my mom described Ciara's ass, she used the baby word for it in Chinese - the equivalent of "tushie." Made the entire conversation even more ridiculous.

Amazing!

Have actually spent the last three hours working, more or less, non-stop. No playing around on the computer, no coffee breaks, no random staring of the walls and contemplating of the navel. And I have accomplished SO MUCH. If I could only keep this up, I might actually rule the world some day!!!

Pig Update

Well, I took Pig to the vet yesterday. Left work early, drove back home and headed to the doctor's office. We waited for half an hour (and while waiting Pig decided to pee on the floor of the lobby, which was embarassing) only to have them tell us that they were so sorry but both doctors were in emergency surgery and we'd either have to wait until they were out (and the nurse couldn't give an estimate at all) or reschedule. So, I decided to reschedule, but on our way home, Pig seemed so much better - no trouble getting in and out of the car, and she actually walked a straight line up the stairs - that I decided to just watch her for another day or so. She seems to be getting better every day, and this morning she actually put her front paws on my bed and went back to her head-clobbering ways, so I took that to be a good sign. Also a good sign was that she found half of piece of carrot cake on a ledge somewhere and was strong enough to stand on both her hind legs, pull me forward, and reach the cake. She also has no difficulties climbing up on the couch to watch tv so I think I'll just wait and see.

Did you guys watch American Idol last night? Pig did, and she was not impressed. One girl - the one who song White Boys from Hair, was so bad that Pig actually groaned all the way through her performance. Funny.

Milkshake Monday

So last night was Milkshake Night at chez Andrea. She was throwing a little milkshake party for our friend Ian, who just got a sweet job. Milkshake as in icecream and milk in a blender, not as in something sexual...which I really don't even know what it means sexually, but apparently it does because no one likes that song "My Milkshake" and everyone tells me it's a gross song. In fact, my sister thoroughly hates it. So maybe I should stop humming it while walking around the office. Anyway, had a good time, although I think I'm getting a little sick, so I was not quite feeling my usual ridiculous and silly self. Also disturbed by the fact that Jack Nicholson has apparently ALWAYS been old - we were watching B-Mania and caught "The Terror" which was made in 1963, and dude, he looks ancient for a guy who's supposed to be 26.

Thanks to all for the concerned comments about Pig. Makes me feel loved. Pig as well. :) I think she is getting better, but I do feel a trip to the vet is inevitable. I'd rather just put her through the x-rays and make sure everything is okay. Was really irritated with Max this morning. Apparently, he and Pig shared a bowl of popcorn last night, which is fine, but he was throwing it around the living room for her to catch. HELLO???? Last thing Pig needs to do, in her condition, is to leap around the living room, trying to catch popcorn in the air. He pointed out that if she could do it, it meant she was fine. I pointed out that she is a dog and will try to eat anything, including her dog tag.