2005 Resolutions

So every year, I make a ton of resolutions...none of which I keep. But I always try so here's my list for 2005:

PHYSICAL HEALTH:
- Floss my teeth six days out of seven each week....okay fine, floss my teeth daily.
- End exercise hiatus and get back to the gym.
- Take my vitamins every day and drink more water.

MENTAL/EMOTIONAL HEALTH:
-Watch less tv.
-Travel - take short trips and take one out-of-country trip
-Learn...stuff. By taking classes and reading more.
-Volunteer
-Set up a tithe-ing plan and donate money regularly to a cause I support

FINANCIAL HEALTH:
-Get to work earlier and spend my time more productively at work
-Dress more appropriately for work. No more fleece at the office, even on hump days.
-Network more
-Stay on the budget that I made

Here are Pig's resolutions for 2005:
1.) Take a long walk (at least 1/2 hr) each day and/or go to the dog park.
2.) Brush teeth every other day. Okay fine, brush teeth every day.
3.) Brush fur once a week.

So at my sister's request, here is what I think will happen:

-Floss my teeth probably four times a week - the other times I will be too busy watching TV
-Go to the gym once and stay home until my muscles have fully "recovered"...a month later.
-Stay on budget until I buy that new pair of Seven jeans I've been eyeing
-Set up tithe-ing plan after a few trips to Sephora - I need new make-up
-Drink lots of Kool-Aid and Crystal Light cuz that's still water, right?
-Be late for work cuz TNT has reruns of X-Files now

But, dammit, I'm still going to try.

Coach Dog

By the way, I did it. I bought the Coach collar for Pig. (See archived posts Dec. 12) Yes, I did. I know. So terrible. But it was on sale at the outlet stores (so I had to stop at two different stores to find her size - no biggie right?) I'm going to put a dog tag on it that says "Notorious P. I. G."

Okay, here's the worst part...I bought a matching Coach purse. For the sole purpose of matching Pig. Yes, I did. I know. So terrible.

Happy New Year!!!

So Happy New Year!!!

I feel like I've spent more time in the car than out of it. Got back from Chicago on Wednesday. Mom took us for lil trip to visit my brother. I'm proud to say my brother is a true metrosexual - he's got a great little studio in downtown Chicago complete with hardwood floors, a little martini bar set, and a nice view. And he uses Origins' Ginger Souffle Whipped Body Lotion. Yeah. Anyway, Chicago was awesome. I ate a lot. And shopped a lot. Which is pretty much what my family does when on vacation. Some families check out landmarks and museums - we're all about food and shopping.

I was going to go out with Josh and Rebecca and some other folks on Wednesday night but I got roped into a mahjong game and passed out shortly after. I'm so addicted to mahjong now. It's terrible. The first thing I wanted to do was play mahjong when I woke up Thursday morning. Luckily, my family was happy to oblige, so instead of going out to eat brunch, we played mahjong. I managed to get revenge for the big defeat I suffered the night before, so currently I am down only $1. Whoo hoo. I'm going to have to find some friends who'll play with me when I get back home. Max and I tried to teach AD and his ex-girlfriend but neither seemed particularly interested so I'm going to have to ask around and see if anyone's up for playing a new game. A new Awesomely Addicitve game.

Went to my dad's yesterday and had dinner. He took me to this little Japanese restaurant. Very nice. I'm sort of an embarassment at Japanese restaurants. All I really want is a cup of miso soup and the house salad - you know, the one with the ginger dressing? So good. Afterwards, I went to A2 and hung out with my friend Michelle and her boyfriend Jessi. We decided to do the whole trip down memory lane and went to the comedy club where we used to work. I'd have to say that nearly 75% of the material from the first two comedians was the same as when I worked there. FIVE YEARS AGO. And back then, it was the same as when I first started, so the material is at least 7 years old. Which explains the endless Clinton jokes.

So I was all excited because Kate was supposed to pick up Pig today...but then Krazy Karen struck again. KK called me saying that it was pouring rain and very slippery and she had a bad feeling about driving so she'd prefer to keep Pig for another day and drive tomorrow. Then she spent fifteen minutes talking to me about what a cute movie Operation Dumbo Drop is. Sheesh. Kate and I are getting the distinct feeling that she doesn't want to give the dog back. Kate's had the hardest time making arrangements with her to pick up Pig, and KK keeps mentioning how she'd be happy to keep Pig longer. Cody had this problem with Punk last year. I think it took her an extra week to get her back. Dude, my dog is so being held hostage. BY A MAD WOMAN. To make matters worse, Karen told Kate that a puppy had licked Pig's eye and she had to put something in it cuz Pig had a "runny eye." Okay for starters Poor Pig. Also ewww....gross. Also, I'm really scared that this is like the understatement of the century and Pig has actually lost an eye. Kate doesn't think that's the case but she did point out that Pirate Pig would look kind of cute. Pirate Pig. Heh. Funny. Funny in a I'm-going-to-kill-someone-if-it's-true way.

Agatha Raisin and the Blowfish of Death

So I just had to post about the gift Max gave me. Which is the best gift he's ever given to me. Better than the jewelry and the huge tv. Better than the time he surprised me with a Christmas tree and all the decorations. I don't think he can ever top this. At first, when I opened the box, I thought he got me a new Agatha Raisin book. But as it turned out, he MADE me my very own special Agatha Raisin book. He wrote me an Agatha Raisin story, with me and Peggy Sue as the main characters and put in all the other characters from the series. In it, Agatha Raisin investigates a murder and the main suspects are Pig and me. Then he had it printed on special book paper, bound it himself, designed the cover so that it looked EXACTLY like all Agatha Raisin covers, and even put on the special plastic that hardcover library books have. All the font is identical to the real AR books and the first few pages of it are exactly the same as the originals, even with the same symbols and designs. IT IS AWESOME and I totally cried when I saw it. He spent at least a hundred hours working on it, probably more. I'm going to take a pic of it and post it when I get a chance.

Merry Christmas!!!

Merry Christmas everyone!!! I'm back in Michigan and freezing. Man, it's cold here. So, I figured I'd post a bit about what I've done so far since, well, it's 11:30 p.m. and the Sound of Music is on the wedding part which is boring...

Got in Wednesday morning on a red eye flight. I literally had the worst seat on the plane. Middle seat, last row. It smelled really bad back there. I kept trying to convince myself it was the smell of the coffee but I know deep down it was the reek of the bathrooms. Normally I sleep like baby on the plane but I had a hard time sleeping this time, on account of the stench and the fact that the stupid stewardesses spent the whole flight chitchatting right by my head. It took over an hour for me to get the luggage - Northwest Airlines came up with some excuse about a ramp (what?) but I suspect they couldn't get the cargo trunk opened. Anyway, I got back home and took what should have been a really long nap. Unfortunately, my mom woke me up a few hours later and told me that there was going to be a huge snowstorm and if I wanted to go up to Grayling, I needed to drive up immediately to beat the storm, rather than wait until the next day. Grayling is a small town in northern Michigan with a population of 4000. It's got about three bars, four restaurants, and a Sears the size of the average Payless Shoe Store. Max is from Grayling and he had invited me up for a Christmas party his parents were throwing. Anyway, after much pondering, I decided to drive up, even though I was exhausted and I'm totally glad I did. Max and I had a great time. We hung out for a bit, got dinner, and then hit all their major hot spots - Spikes, The Old Barn and the Sawmill. They're all these little bars where a drink costs about $3. No complaints there.

Anyway, the next day (Thursday) was the day of the big Xmas party. There was a gift exchange and I decided to bring a money tree. Max and I drove around and bought a small little fake xmas tree. I hung up a whole bunch of scratcher tickets and some dollar bills with red ribbons as ornaments. An Easy pick lotto ticket was the star at the top of the tree. It was a huge hit at the party and everyone wanted it. Credit goes to my mom, who came up with idea circa 1992. I think it swapped hands at least 6 times. We did that thing where you could either open a new present or take one that was already open. I had a terrific time and came back with a $50 Gap gift certificate and bar of chocolate flavored soap.

The next morning, I drove Max and Forrest (his brother) to the airport. Max and his family were going to Italy. And oh yeah, my sister's car that I borrowed got bashed. Totally not my fault. Idiot driver, who lives less than 1/2 a mile away from Max backed out of his driveway without looking and ran into me. There was no damage on his huge idiotic pick up truck (of course), but my bumper is ruined, and my front right headlights are broken. Oh well.

So we spent Christmas Eve doing something that we've never done before but I suspect my mother's wanted to do her ever since we were born. The four of us (her, me, my brother and sister) played Mahjong. My mom is a huge mahjong freak and that's the first time we've ever all been around and old enough to play. I'm totally addicted now. Of course. Cuz I get addicted to any gambling game. My brother won like ten bucks and I managed to break even. I have a mahjong set in LA and I'm totally going to try to make people play with me. So fun.

This morning, we woke up and opened presents at my Mom's. I got terrific gifts and want to list them here but that seems sort of unnecessary so I won't. We had a great lunch of filet mignon and crab legs. These crab legs were ridiculous huge. Gi-normous. They were so meaty that I had to cut them with a knife and fork before I could eat them. They were so meaty that I could come up with all sort of inappropriate descriptions but I won't. We played a bit of Mahjong, watched the Pistons beat the Pacers (yay!) and then left for my Dad's. At my Dad's we opened more terrific presents, watched the Heat beat the Lakers (yay!), ate pork loin for dinner (see loin runs in the family) and then played poker. I won which was nice, since both my brother and and dad play a lot.

Okay. I'm off to watch the great escape at the end of Sound of Music. Which I've seen over fifty times. And can quote lines from the movie. And can sing all the songs, albeit badly.

Miss Lonelyheart

I'm lonely. I miss Pig. And, oh yeah, Max. But mostly Pig, which is probably unhealthy. I called Krazy Karen yesterday, a few hours after I dropped her off. She said Pig is fine, but that I'm the most overbearing (did she mean overbearing or overprotective...? because overbearing is way worse) dog mom she's ever met. And she's worked with dogs all her life. I'm guessing she must have found the brochure on Dalmatian health, issued by the Dalmatian Club of America, that I stuck in Pig's bag of food. Maybe she found that insulting. But seriously, Dalamatians have specific health needs, and she should be informed. And at least this time, I only wrote half a page of instructions. Last time, I wrote her THREE PAGES of notes, front and back. Single spaced.

Weekend Recap

Oh poor Pig. Krazy Karen, my dog sitter, picked her up today and Pig DID NOT want to go with her. First she wouldn't get in the car, and after we finally got her in there, she tried to climb out through the window. She stuck her head out and clung to the window with her paws trying to leap out and I had to pull her paws off the window so that Krazy Karen could roll it up. She had this really pleading look in her eyes. Made me cry. :( I'm pretty sure Krazy Karen takes good care of her, or good enough, and I know Pig will get used to it and be fine but she looked so sad. Okay, now I'm crying again so I'm going to stop talking about it.

So I had a pretty good weekend. Friday night, I went to a party at the apartment of a guy named Sharky. Normally, you would think that guys named Sharky would throw some pretty good parties but this one was a dud. The party. The party was a dud. Not Sharky, who is actually cool and nice. At least I knew a lot of people there. Afterwards, we headed out to a bar named Maloney's which is on the UCLA campus. There's nothing like a sea of nubile and lithe 22 year olds to make a girl like me feel ANCIENT. We waited for awhile, but couldn't get in so we decided to head to another bar. Actually, everyone else decided to head to another bar - I decided this was my moment to escape and took off for home.

Saturday night was very fun. A whole bunch of people came over (10 to be exact) so we played two tables of poker. Last six people remaining made the final table. I managed to crawl back from the shortest of short stacks (I think I had less than $2 in chips, and we each started with $20) and made it to the final table (where the chip leader had over $50 in chips) only to be taken out nearly immediately by Amol, who is becoming my poker nemesis. Amol is actually getting better so I'm happy for him, but it makes beating him much harder. Anyway, we made a huge mistake by not raising blinds so the final game didn't start until practically 2:00 a.m. Yeah. I told everyone to lock the door on their way out and went to bed at around 3. I think I scared everyone with my "make-up-less and with glasses" face. I had to get a glass of water so I came back out, after washing my face and taking out my contacts, and Amol was like "WHOA." And he tried to recover by saying, "Did you change clothes?" and I had really only taken off my sweater so that didn't work so well. You know in his head he thought "GOOD GOD, IS THAT WHAT YOU REALLY LOOK LIKE, WOMAN??? POOR MAX!!!!" Yes, I look scary right before I go to bed. And scary when I wake up. In fact, in my family, the only person who looks more different without make-up on is my 80 year old great Aunt Dora. Who looks FABULOUS when she goes out and apparently horror movie frightening when she turns in for the night. Next time I play poker against Amol, I'm going to go au naturel...maybe it'll give me an advantage. Au naturel as in without make-up, not as in without clothes. Which would probably really give me an advantage.

Sunday night Lypstyk Girl had gotten a hold of a Staples Center suite, so we all went and watched the Clippers/Grizzlies game. Also very fun. The view was awesome, and it was a lot like being in a really nice hotel, except without pool privileges. I managed to only spend $20, which is quite a feat, considering the prices. Couldn't sleep last night so I ended up eating noodles at 2 in the morning. Which might explain why I'm not hungry at all today. Oh, you know what else could explain why I'm not hungry today? Possibly the BOWL of Hershey's chocolate kisses I've eaten. I think my co-workers are trying to make me fat. Maybe they're all cannibals and I'm Christmas dinner.

Thyroid Pig

Well, I just talked to the vet. Good thing I spent my Monday winnings on Pig's Senior Wellness Exam. Her blood test came back showing low thyroid activity levels. He said her levels are such that they could be "meaningful" or "not meaningful." So now Pig has to go on thyroid pills, which will help him figure out if her thyroid disease is "meaningful." If it's "meaningful" it means that she just has to take thyroid tablets for the rest of her life. So that won't be too bad. He said if a dog has to get a disease, this would be the one to get. He thought that might have something to do with the rash she has on her belly. If it's "not meaningful" the tablets won't hurt her so it's okay either way.

I do find it ironic though b/c thyroid disease is very prevalent in my family. My mom had a thyroid problem, as did my grandpa and several of my aunts. In fact, they all have rashes. So I guess Pig was definitely meant to be my dog.

I'm going to go home and give her hug now. :(

This is My Blog

So, since this is my blog, I can talk about whatever I want to and not talk about whatever I don't want to so I won't be talking about my shameful poker performance last night, where I was the first one to go out.

Dammit.

Fucking Amol...

Blatherings on a Friday

Hmm.

Eating chocolate chip cookies while writing Christmas cards is not a good idea. The last few cards have really unattractive brown smears all over them. They remind me of how much I hate library books, since there are always gross food (hopefully) stains on the pages. My new thing is to hate the library because I have a huge fine there so I won't be going any time soon. So boo to library books, they suck.

Today's been a good day so far. I played hooky and watched back-to-back episodes of ER this morning. So sad. Lucy and Carter get stabbed by a deranged patient and Lucy dies. (*sniff*) But it's Kelly Martin, so it' s okay cuz she's kind of annoying.

Pig and I had a very long conversation last night. I think she was complaining about how her Uncle Max hadn't come over yet (he's back in Michigan). Or maybe it had something to do with me laying in her dog bed. Either way, she would groan and then I'd mimick her, and she'd do it again, and then I'd mimick her, and it just went on and on for about fifteen minutes. She was pretty determined to have the last word. She also clobbered me in the face this morning. She actually does this every morning so usually I have to keep my eyes shut real tight so she doesn't take out an eye. Unfortunately, my mouth was open for some reason (maybe my nose was stuffy?), so she got me in the mouth pretty hard. It's like reverse pet abuse.

Not that pet abuse is a joking matter.

So I was on the phone with Krazy Karen yesterday, making arrangements for Pig to stay with her on her farm while I'm home for the holidays. I'd like to think that her farm is like doggie Disneyland, but for all I know, it could be doggie Dachau. Luckily, Kate has agreed to pet sit for a few days so Pig won't have to spend too much time there. Kate, if you're reading this, be sure to keep your eyes and your mouth shut in the morning...

Formosa

So last night, I went to Formosa to celebrate my friend Andrea's birthday. I love that place. Kate and I used to live less than two blocks away so I have very fond memories of their super strong mai tais and subsequent stumbly walks back home. Anyway, I don't know if it was the drinks (of course it was the drinks), but while chatting with Andrea's new boyfriend, Jared, who's a paramedic type person (he works with firemen and does CPR and life-saving stuff) I thought it would be good idea to ask him if firemen really sleep in their underwear in the firehouse and jump into their boots and pants when there's a fire. Ahem. I don't know where that tidbit of info came from, it's just always been lurking in my mind somewhere. But luckily, he was nice about it and told me that no, he didn't think they sleep in their underwear, but they do sleep in shorts and t-shirt so that they can leap into the firemen outfits when there's a fire. So okay. I guess it was worth it, even though I'm sure I came off as a total jackass.

CNN

Someone at CNN needs to get fired. Make that someone(s). What the heck is going on there? First of all, they keep running these humorous ESPN-esque ads starring Anderson Cooper, Wolf Blitzer and all their other news reporters/anchors. So unnecessary. And weird. And whoever is in charge of writing those captions (not the running ones on the bottom) that describe the stories is really annoying me. "Kerik Kerfluffle"?????? "Extreme Makeover" (a story about Viktor Yushchenko)????? The other day, they did a whole story about a man whose boat had drifted away and he was stuck in the ocean for 18 hours before he was rescued. Good story, right? And at the END of the story, they told us the man was 80 years old. Wow. Maybe that would have been something they should have mentioned at the BEGINNING of the story. Today, they did a story about an elephant fashion show. Yeah...an elephant fashion show. Something about a spread for a magazine. Anyway, after the story, one news anchor told this joke:

Q: "What did the female elephant model say to the male elephant model?"
A: "Does this chiffon make me look fat?"

SO WRONG. On so many levels.

Super Lucky Monday

So I should have gone to Vegas last night. Lady Luck was not just on my side, she was practically in my lap. Amol had called yesterday asking me if I wanted to play poker for "money or possibly just for fun..." Um hello?? Just for fun??? I don't think so, dear.

Anyway, on our way over to Amol and Paul's, Max and I stopped at a liquor store to pick up some refreshments for the evening. I spotted a $2 lotto scratcher thing that had a really cute picture of a Weimaraner dog and since I was all about the dogs yesterday, I decided to buy one. Well, I got a cat one instead, and said something about it but the liquor store owner was like, no, that's the winning one, you want that one. So, I brought it with me and scratched it off while we were setting up poker and won $80!!!! Whoo hoo!!! I couldn't believe it. And I won the poker game, so I won another $70!!! It was a really great game. I was in the chip lead for most of it, but played a few hands towards the end rather poorly and was pretty much out when I caught a few lucky cards and took out Amol. Then it was down to me and Cody but again, I got some decent cards and managed to beat her. So like I said, I was super lucky last night.

Me & My Loin 

I know I'm an asshole for wanting this for Pig, especially after the last post, and it's not like I'll actually get it, and of course the money would be better spent at a charity, but...I want this. 

Foster Dog

Today I totally scared Max when I told him I wanted to foster another dog. It was like what happens in movies when girls tell guys they're pregnant. Anyway, after all those heart-wrenching programs I watched last night, I went to www.billfoundation.org which is where I got Pig, thinking I'd donate some more money to them. And now I really want another dog. Or at least foster another dog. This one in particular:

http://www.petfinder.org/pet.cgi?action=2&pet=3482601&adTarget=468petsgeneral&SessionID=41be42e22e65becd-app3&display=&preview=1&row=25&tmpl=&stat=

He likes classical music!!! How awesome is that!!!

Anyway, I know I can't/shouldn't foster/get another dog but it's really hard not to when you see pics like that.

Weekend Recap

Friday night I watched Monk.

Saturday was a good day. Max and I worked all day on our pot-luck dishes. Max made risotto with portabella mushrooms and hot italian sausage, and I made the cold pizza and of course The Loin. The Loin was a big pain in the ass to make and was genuinely quite a disaster, although I suppose it turned out okay in the end. I had a hard time getting my eggs into The Loin so the presentation was not quite there. It's supposed to look really cool - each slice should have a perfectly sliced hard-boiled egg in the middle (I think there are pics so I'll post when I get them). But my eggs got all mashed in the middle so instead of having a lovely cheery yellow yolk center, they had these weird squishy flat centers. And I overcooked it and burnt the top, so I had to scrape the burnt parts and took only the very very best looking pieces. The Loin weighed about 8 lbs, I salvaged about 2 lbs, and I think I took back home about 1 3/4 lbs. I think it turned out fine (I didn't reheat it there long enough so it seemed a little dry - it's much juicier if I throw it in the microwave), but there was a lot of food at the pot-luck so there was a lot left over. I've been eating some every day since, and at this rate, I might be done by February. But the pot-luck dinner was lots of fun overall and the food and drinks were awesome so it was quite a party.

Sunday morning I had to go to a co-worker's baby shower. It's the first one I've ever been to and was thrown at this gorgeous house in Beverly Hills. The food was great, and it was a surprisingly enjoyable experience. I felt bad about one game we played though - we were supposed to measure out with string what we thought was the circumference of the belly of the mother-to-be - and I was GROSSLY off. Apparently, in my mind she is a Huge Fatty. My piece of string wrapped around her TWICE and was the longest of the party. Oops. At least she seemed to be a good sport about it.

Last night I worked myself into uncontrollable sobs watching Animal Precinct on Animal Planet. SO SAD. In this particular episode, the ASPCA in Massachusetts rescued 49 fox terriers that had been abused by the breeder who owned them. I guess he left them all in a little storage place and none of them had ever been let outside. There was one little guy in particular who had deformed back legs and could only walk with his front legs. He had terrible teeth, bad eyes and a ton of mange (they all did). The vet thought he was about 14 years old - his whole life has just been hell. Poor guy. (*Sniff*) They got him a harness with wheels though so now he can walk and go outside. After that, I was about to go to bed, but on PBS there was some special about pet overpopulation with David Duchovny as the host/narrator. It's called something like Best Friend Forgotten. So I started watching it and it was SO SAD and people really need to spay/neuter their pets. One cat, if left unspayed could lead to potentially 420,000 cats in 7 years!! And each year millions of pets are put to death because people suck and they give their pets away and not enough people adopt from shelters. Anyway, they showed interviews with some assholes talking about why they don't want to spay or neuter their pets and suddenly I recognized one of the guys. He and his wife lived in my old building and they had a boxer and he was talking about how neutering the boxer (whose name is Brutus if I remember correctly) would make him fat and lazy. Idiot. Anyway, after all this I went to give Pig a hug and she was so annoyed with me for waking her up that she groaned loudly several times and huffed a few times. But I feel so lucky to have her.

Pork Loin Disaster

Well, I don't think I can really pull off this Super Secret Special Pork Loin dish. It's been a nightmare. I'm not going to give away any family secrets here but all I can say is that...well, I don't think it's going to work. And I want it to be a surprise for the potluck so I'm not going to describe the dish either in case any potluck attenders read this. All I'll say - and this is to my family members - is that I..um..well...the insides are going to fall out through the holes I accidentally poked. There. Hope you guys know what I'm talking about. Also, I think the insides are going to roll around...the inside...and not stick...to...er...the outside. Cuz there's too much loose space.

And btw, my loin is huge. I got it at costco, and it's almost the length of two keyboards. I was actually pretty grossed out by it. Looks like a big fat skinned python.

thursdaythursdaythursdaythursday

So I woke up in a great mood today, despite the fact that I had this really really scary dream last night about mutant dogs that had dog bodies but snake heads. Like creepy versions of the cartoon Wuzzles from the 80's. Remember them? http://www.angelfire.com/in/luvwiththe80s/wuzzlepage.html

Anyway, I was in a good mood because I remembered that I won $50 at poker last night. Whoo hoo! It came down to me and Amol, and I got lucky on a couple hands and won. I wish Jason had been there though. Bastard. It's always more fun to try to win back the money you lost from whomever you lost it to. Ouch. Lots of grammar mistakes in that sentence. Oh well.

So today Max and I are going to buy all the things we need for Lypstyk Girl's potluck dinner on Saturday. I'm so excited about it! I'm going to bring a cold pizza (not like leftover Domino's - it has a crust and a creamcheese/sourcream spread with lots of veggies on top) and a pork roast/loin main dish. It's my Grandma's Super Secret Special recipe and honest to god, it's like a magic trick. I'd explain more, but I don't want to give it away so I'll just talk about it later. The presentation is awesome, but the thing is, I can't remember if it actually tastes good. I mean, it looks good, but I can't remember how it tastes. So yesterday, I called up my poor Aunt Marilyn, who's totally been swamped at work. I figured I'd ask her if it actually tastes good. I'm really glad she didn't bite my head off, because I'm pretty sure Grandma's Super Secret Special recipe wasn't quite on her mind. Anyway, she says she thinks it tastes good, but then again, she's been eating it for over thirty years, so maybe she's not the best person to ask. Oh well. I'm going to make it anyway.

I Look Gross Today

Not in a un-showered way. But I look gross. I tried to blow-dry more volume into my hair by using a round brush and rolling up but it got stuck in my hair. It always does. I've had this problem since I was little - I'd always try to curl my hair using a round brush (I'd sort of wrap my hair around the brush and curl it into my scalp) but then it'd get tangled. And then I'd have to run to my mom and have her yank it off my head. I think she seriously thought there was something wrong with me, cuz I just wouldn't quit doing it. I'd do it every few months. So anyway, today I lost quite a lot of hair pulling the brush out. Next, I tried to use a curling iron. I thought maybe I'd get luscious waves with it but instead, I got this tiny freaky spiral curl up one side of my face. And no matter how I tried, it wouldn't straighten back out. So I gave up. Also, my pants and turtleneck sweater shrunk in the wash, but I didn't notice this until after I left the house. So, yeah, I look gross.

By the way, I've given up on counting whether or not Pure Instinct works. I can't tell because I don't bother to wear it unless I've showered, blow dried my hair and put on make-up. So probably, I look better on those days anyway. Besides, Pig was throwing everything off.

Oh and Max and I are totally turning into an old couple. Yesterday, we both stopped at the grocery store, without knowing the other had gone. We both bought bread, ham, and sliced swiss cheese. Max almost even bought the same kind of bread I did (Russian Rye) but at the last minute, he bought sourdough instead. He also bought pickles and snack sized cheese things. And I bought eggs and milk. So we got 3 out of five the same. Funny.

Weekend Recap

How annoying. Something weird happened with blogger and it lost my whole post, just as I clicked "Publish." So now I have to retype. Poo.

Okay, let's see. Friday I stayed at home and watched Monk. Monk is totally the signifier of a laid back Friday. If I watched Monk, it means I stayed home. If I missed Monk, it means I went out. Anyway, blah blah dinner, blah, Monk, (retyping is no fun), blah, played with Pig, went to sleep.

Saturday was Carpet Cleaning Day. I almost actually did the whole apartment but then I decided to skip my bedroom, since the carpet is still fairly clean in there. Also I got bored of cleaning the carpet. It's entertaining for awhile, but only for a while. And really, it's not that entertaining. Anyway, the apartment looks nice. Later, Max and I went to dinner at P.F. Chang's, as a bonus celebration dinner. Now, I know P.F. Chang's is not a super special place but I love their lettuce wraps and their fun drinks. Max's came with an umbrella! Mine came with a graham cracker/sugar rim on the martini glass! Fun!! At first, I wanted to wait until I got all my bonus checks (I have 2 more coming) and then take Max to the Japanese restaurant that my Uncle Andrew took me to when he came in town. It's called Matsuhisa and it's awesome but pricey. So pricey that Max pointed I could book a ticket back to Michigan with the amount of money it'd cost. A first class ticket. So I decided it is a stupid place to go, unless I'm with my Uncle Andrew, in which case, it is a wonderful place to go.

After dinner we went to Josh and AD's place and ended up - surprise - at Boardwalk. Again. As usual. Max and I wanted to go this cool dive bar called The Bounty, which is across from the Ambassador Hotel where Bobby Kennedy was shot, but AD made some excuse about car problems, so we went to Boardwalk. Again. As usual. I would have gone to just about any other bar than that one. Except Red Rock. I'm sick of Red Rock too. Okay, here's my last resolution for 2004: I'm not going to Boardwalk or Red Rock until after the New Year. That's it. No more. I can't take it. I'm just going to have to politely decline invitations to those bars and sit quietly at home by myself, play with Pig, and watch TV.

Boardwalk was fun - it's always fun though. That's not the problem. Not to say there is a problem, but sometimes you just want to go somewhere different. There were some really awful karaoekers. One girl in particular really butchered "Holiday." Pure torture. I wish I could imitate her screeching somehow on my blog. HHHHHAAAAAEEERRLLLLIIIIDDDAAAA-AAAAEEEEY. Nope. Doesn't work. Anyway, I know it's rude, and it's not like she saw me, but I made really disgusted faces as she sang. Like Eww-I-just-stepped-in-dog-shit-BAREFOOT kind of faces. I wish she did see me - maybe that would discourage her from doing that again.

Sunday morning we went to Boardwalk (*sigh*) to watch the Lions game. I wanted to go because the Lions were actually favored to win and THEY DID!!! There's actually a team crappier and more inept than ours!!! Anyway, I tried the pork chops which were a little bland and a little dry - like all the food there. Next time I'm going to try....OH WAIT! THERE WON'T BE A NEXT TIME!!! CUZ I'M NOT GOING BACK THERE FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR!!! And the last Lions game is on Jan. 2 so I'll actually be in Michigan. Sweet.

Bonus Friday

So I'm ridiculously happy at the moment because it's finally Friday and I just found out I'm getting a good-sized bonus check!! WHOO HOO!!!! I told Pig I was going to buy her a big bag of Greenies (pricey dog biscuits that make her breath minty and turn her poop green), and told Max that we'd do something to celebrate. Haven't decided what yet. Probably nothing too crazy, since I've gone overbudget the last few months but I'm sure we'll come up with something.

Don't have any big weekend plans besides carpet cleaning. Yes, I just did it like a month ago, but with all the bbq parties I've had, it's gotten gross again. Maybe I'll do some Xmas shopping...or more likely some Sareet shopping.

As for the "experiment" today is NOT a P.I. day. So far:

Guy #1 made eye contact and pointed out Pig to his kids but that was it.

Walked by at least 3 guys - none of whom looked at me.

Of course, maybe that's because I didn't shower today.

Poker Wednesday Night

So last night, we had an impromptu poker game. I'm a little disappointed in Cody and me cuz I figured at least one or the other would win, but the final two players were Amol and Jason. And Jason won. Bastard. I only say this because he's a sore winner and on my way out he thanked me for my contribution. I told him I'd get it back. Which makes me a sore loser I guess. Poor Amol - somebody needs to tell him that the more aggressive he acts, the more obvious it is that he doesn't have the cards. On Celebrity Poker they always tell you to look at body language and that aggression equals weakness. Like if they're staring hard at you, and leaning forward, and "puffing" themselves up (I make them sound like cats or something), they're just trying to scare you off. The harder someone tries to convince you they have the cards, the less likely they do. Of course, this could be terrible trap if you happen to play against someone who also watches Celebrity Poker.

Pure Instinct

So I bought something at the sex toy party that is sort of embarassing but I swear to god, it was cuz I liked the smell of it on me. It's called Pure Instinct and it's perfume oil laced with pheremones. The sales pitch is that it smells different on everyone (which it does - that part was cool - I smelled everyone else and they did smell different - something about your natural chemicals) and is suppose to enhance your appeal to other people. Now, I had seen this at another STP I went to in LA but it was way more expensive so since it was cheaper in Bay City, I decided to give it try. Also because Elliot, Mrs. PreciousPants and Laura (another bridesmaid) told me that they all loved it and that it totally worked. Laura said she tested it by keeping track of how many guys smiled/talked to her on the days that she wore it, versus on the days that she didn't. I pointed out that it probably had more to do with her self-confidence and maybe she looked at guys more often and she agreed that there could be a placebo effect. But nevertheless, I'm giving it a try, and I'm going to keep track of it. So far, a lot of guys have smiled at me, but I think that might have more to do with the fact that I'm with Pig. Pig is the biggest pheromone - people smile at her all the time. Also, a lot of the people who have smiled at me are service people and dammit, they should smile at me, so I don't think it has anything to do with "Pure Instinct" (heh, that's the name of the perfume oil)

Monday - Pure Instinct Day:
I can't remember what I did or who I saw on Monday. I'd be a lousy witness on Law & Order. I remember going to work. And falling asleep on the couch at lunch. And eating Thanksgiving leftovers for dinner. I don't even remember walking Pig, although I'm sure I did.

Tuesday - Pure Instinct Day:
Petco - Guy #1 who came out to help me hold Pig as she got her nails cut smiled at me. A lot. (see it doesn't really count though, because it's Pig, and he's supposed to be friendly, but I'll just keep count anyway). He also accidentally touched my boobs...or was it accidental???

Guy #2 - Cashier. Smiled a lot. Also gave me free dog biscuits. But I think that has to do with the fact that he messed up on the cash register, and couldn't figure out how to work it, so he gave up and just gave me the dog treats for free. He told me it was a xmas present from him to Pig.

Guy #3 and Guy #4. Petco employees stopping to pet Pig and they chatted with me. (pig again)

Guy #5 and Guy #6 - Two random men working the Xmas tree lot on my walk back from Petco. Smiled and asked me if Pig was a dalmatian. (pig again)

Guys #7,8,9 - Random gardeners on the walk back to my apartment. Eye contact only.

Wednesday - P.I. Day:
Guy #1 - Had a meeting. He smiled, but did not seem particularly attentive to me and worked the room evenly.

Guy #2 - Smiles at me and Pig as we walk by him.

Guy #3 - Smiles only at me as Pig and I walk by him.

Guy #4 - Smiles at Pig and me while we're at the ATM machine.

Guy #5 - Smiles at Pig and me - he had three dogs with him.

Guy #6 - Run into a friend at a liquor store. He told me that at first glance, he thought "oh, that girl is hot" before he realized it was me. That practically made my day.

Thursday - Not a P.I. Day
So far, I haven't run into any people at all, except for office people. Although I haven't taken Pig for a long walk yet.

Oh not, true. Ran into my gay neighbor J.R. who said hi.

Clearly, this is not a very scientific way of testing, but I'm still going to try and keep a log.